Healing Wounds and New Beginnings
by Beget
Summary: Hated by her peers but needed for her voice, Rachel balances the tight rope between enemy and member of the Glee Club. A story of healing, forgiving, and becoming wiser. Longer summary inside. AU after 2X09. Incomplete
1. Back of the Room

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.

**Full Summary:** Hated by her peers but needed for her voice, Rachel balances the tight rope between enemy and member of the Glee Club. The unforgiving and hurt Finn, the very ignorant Mr. Schue, and the only friend at a different school, has left Rachel with no shoulders to cry on. With the last sheds of self dignity, Rachel makes a decision that causes more than one heart to break.

_Author's note at the bottom of the page._

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Chapter One

Rachel Berry sat in the back of the classroom in the last row. She would have preferred to sit center seat in the first row but ever since the break up, she'd been designated (more like forced by the burning glares in the back of her head) to the back.

She wondered if Mr. Schue noticed her lack of willingness to participate anymore. Anytime he offered a solo, she let Mercedes or Tina take it. Anytime a duet contest ensued, she ended up faking sick so she didn't have to deal with the embarrassment of being chosen last. Yet days passed into weeks and Mr. Schue continued to ignore her silent cries for help. He ignored the way Santana 'by accident' pushed Rachel into the lockers. He ignored the way the group's loud conversation turned deadly silent when Rachel walked into the classroom (always a minute after practice began so she didn't have to endure glares and whispers about her).

Today was no different. Finn continued his punishment to her by singing duets with Santana. The songs shamelessly stolen from the list Rachel and he had made when they were still dating. She watched the clock with a pained expression. She didn't think she could handle this anymore. The smiles Finn passed to Santana. The glares he passed to Rachel once the duet was over. The awkward moments after the duet where the group looked at Rachel in pity but remembered that _she _was the bad one in this, so they began clapping. It hurt her but she held her head high. After all, she is Rachel Berry – she showed no pain. Only quietly felt it.

"Alright, that was a good performance, Finn. Can you tell me where you even found that song?" Mr. Schue asked as he took over the small space in the classroom.

Finn shrugged, "Just looked it up on Google."

_Liar_. Rachel thought but she kept her mouth quiet. She found the song herself when she decided to make a mix CD of their list of duets. She sighed and sat on her hands so she wouldn't strangle his stupid neck.

Mr. Schue nodded and turned back to the whiteboard. With his infamous black marker, he wrote the next week assignments topic on the board.

_Anger_.

She nearly burst out laughing. Oh, anger had become her new best friend. Along with jealously, grief, and guilt.

The others sat dumbfounded. The topics almost always related to Mr. Schue's moods. He hadn't seemed angry these past couple days. In fact, his mood seemed brighter since he'd started dating Ms. Holiday.

"Mr. Schue, is everything okay?" Tina was the first to ask.

"Yeah, we rarely ever do angry songs," Mercedes chimed in.

Mr. Schue laughed. "Everything is fine, guys. I just got bored of happiness and love. I understand that we have a new couple," he gazed at Finn and Santana, "that like to share their happiness but I want different emotions. If we want to win Sectionals then we need to show that our songs can range from happy-go-lucky Broadway tunes to angry-I-want-to-punch-something songs."

"Can we do a duet, Schuester?" Noah asked.

Rachel, along with the rest of the group, turned their heads in his direction. He was strumming his guitar while looking pointedly at Mr. Schue. Noah didn't receive any of the hate that Rachel got. Instead, he got sucker punched by Finn (again) and a day of ignorance from the group. But his bad boy rep gained points for making out with another girl who had a boyfriend and even more that the boyfriend was Finn.

But a part of Rachel knew that the group just didn't _want_ to hate Puck. He was a likable guy and his bad boy persona was a delight for everyone. When it came to Rachel, though, they just hated her because she did nothing right by their standards.

He shrugged, "That sounds fine, Puck. Do you know who you want to do a duet with?"

Noah nodded. "Of course. I'll have everything ready by Friday."

After that, everyone dispersed. Rachel sat quietly as she tried to think of which song would go over with the group. What song could convey the hurt she felt while also showing that she had moved on? (Well, feigning that she had moved on, anyways.)

She was so caught up in her own thoughts that when she finally realized the classroom had turned silent again, she looked up questioningly.

Noah stood in front of her with a small smile.

"Hey, Berry."

She looked behind him. Her eyes landed on Finn's and she could practically see the fire blowing out of his ears.

_Thanks, Noah. Now he can use this against me._

Her eyes scanned the room. Artie, Brittany, and Mercedes stared at the pair of them in shock. Quinn looked Rachel up and down before she turned back to Sam and rolled her eyes. Sam smiled weakly once he realized Rachel caught him staring. Tina and Mike stared at Finn while Santana merely smiled darkly at Rachel and turned to Finn to say something.

Rachel looked back at Noah.

"What do you want, Noah?" She whispered.

"I want you to sing the duet with me," he replied nonchalantly.

She stared at him, perplexed. "Excuse me?"

He sighed and sat in the always empty seat next to her. "I know things have sucked for you. I'm sorry for that. I just think that maybe you need a friend, you know?"

"Well thank you for the offer, really. But I'm going to have to decline. I, um, I have a song already picked out."_I don't need you getting me into any more trouble than I already am in with the club._

She stood up from her seat and grabbed her bag. She needed to leave and fast.

She walked towards the door where Mr. Schue was talking to Ms. Holiday.

"Mr. Schue, can I go to the library to get some sheet music?" She interrupted them.

He looked at her. "Huh? Oh yeah, sure."

Without another word, Rachel left. Instead of making the turn to the library, she found herself pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. She dialed the familiar number and it rang only once before the familiar voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Daddy? Can you come get me now?" Rachel winced at her voice. As brave as she tried to sound, it only came out a weak whisper.

"Is everything okay, baby girl? You sound terrible."

She nodded to no one, "I'm fine. Practice just ended short and I really need to get home. I have, um, I have a project for English that I need to finish," she lied.

It was silent for a moment before she heard her father sigh. "Alright, I'll be there in less than ten minutes."

"Thank you. I love you, Daddy."

"Love you too, baby."

Rachel sat on the curb and let the tears fall. She knew in reality that she only had six minutes before her dad would be there. She cried out her frustration and her pain for everything. She cried that the Glee club had turned on her. She cried that she had no one to turn to. She cried that Mr. Schue didn't care about her pain. She cried that she didn't have Finn there to hold her. Lastly, she cried for screwing things up.

As she saw the familiar headlights turn into the parking lot, she wiped the last of her tears and plastered a smile on her face.

As much as she wished it weren't so, she knew tomorrow would be no different.

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**A/N: **This story should be about fifteen chapters with an epilogue. Length wise? I'd say about 2-3k a chapter.

I understand that some may feel that these characters will be OOC. That may be true and I'm sorry for that. For this story to work, I'm going to tweak their traits a bit. Don't worry, I don't plan on making Brittany the most educated or Mike the best singer.

Also, I'm posting once a week. Chapters should be posted, at the earliest, on Wednesday and, at the latest, Friday.

Please review and let me know what you think. I don't mind constructive criticism but there's no need to go flaming this story. I'm sure there are a bunch of Glee fics that are better than mine that you can go and enjoy.

Until then, I leave you with angsty!Rachel.


	2. Locker Notes

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.

A big thanks to sandra-wfg for beta'ing this story. :)

_Quick note: I completely forgot to mention Lauren when I talked about the members reactions to Puck starting a conversation with Rachel. We'll just say that she was in the bathroom and missed the incident._

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Chapter Two

After the anxiety attack subsided, Rachel found herself sitting in front of her therapist. Her fathers had called him in for an emergency session but even the therapist couldn't get a word out of her. She merely shrugged her shoulders and said that she didn't want to talk about it.

The next day at school was not any better. When she got to her locker, she noticed a paper sticking out of it. She subtly looked around to see if anyone was staring at her but the hallway was filled with unimportant chatter. She sighed and pulled the paper out. It was folded perfectly and she automatically knew who it was from when she saw that the ink was bright purple.

_Rachel,_

_Stay away from Puck. He's not yours._

_-Santana_

Rachel shook her head and crumpled the note up. She opened up her locker and threw the note in there while she grabbed one of her text book. The door slammed shut which caused her to yelp in surprise.

"So I see you got my little note," Santana sneered viciously.

_Just ignore her and she'll go away,_ Rachel thought to herself as she turned and left Santana standing at her locker.

"I want to talk to you."

Rachel turned around. Unsurprisingly, Santana stood face to face with her. Rachel could feel her breath on her face.

Rachel glared at her, "What do you want Santana? Last time I checked, you already had everything I wanted!"

Santana rolled her eyes, "Don't play dumb, Berry. I saw the way you were checking Puck out yesterday. I thought you wanted _Finn_?"

The way Santana purred his name was enough to make Rachel feel nauseous.

"Just leave me alone, Santana."

Santana laughed. "You are _so_ pathetic. I can't believe you even think that Finn would get back with you –"

_Ignore her, Rachel. You are better than her in all aspects. She's just a stupid bully._

"- I mean not because you cheated on him. That was bad but whatever. It's because you're just a –"

_Take a deep breath and just walk away. Her words can't hurt you._

"- annoying, pathetic, little girl who doesn't deserve a man like Finn. God, he must have been high on something to date you –"

"Shut up!" Rachel finally screamed. She breathed in deeply and faced Santana, "Just for once shut up. What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

Santana, shocked that someone had even raised their voice at her, glared at her. Right when she opened her mouth, someone else decided to speak.

"What the hell is going on here?"

Rachel looked past Santana and saw Finn standing there. She rolled her eyes. Of course he would show up at this particular moment.

"Nothing," she said quietly.

Finn marched over to them. "It didn't look like _nothing_. You were yelling at my _girlfriend_, Rachel."

As much as it embarrassed her, Rachel couldn't help but feel pain run throughout her body. She knew the pair was dating – the duets made it obvious enough – but Finn had never admitted it out loud to her.

Rachel breathed in and out before she spoke again. "Well maybe you should ask your _girlfriend_ why she was harassing me in the first place."

"Harassing? Please, I was merely telling you to stay away from certain people," Santana replied while looking up at Finn.

"Really? You don't call leaving notes in my locker, waiting for me by said locker, and then yelling at me 'harassing'?" Rachel retorted angrily.

Finn sighed, "Just leave us alone, Rachel. Haven't you caused enough drama already?"

Rachel felt as if she had been slapped. While she knew Finn was angry at her, she didn't think he could be so cruel as to side with her enemy. She watched the two walk past her as the bell rang. As she hurried to class, she couldn't help but let the pain take over her thoughts.

She remembered a time when she had wanted to mend things with Finn. After the Christmas tree incident, she had called his house everyday for two weeks trying to talk to him. Either Kurt would answer or one of their parents. They made up excuses to the point where Finn answered telling Rachel to stop stalking him. After that burn, she quickly realized nothing she did would ever make him forgive her.

To an extent, she realized how hurt Finn must have been. Having another girlfriend cheat on him with his 'best friend' couldn't have made him a happy camper. She understood that perfectly and it pained her to think of how stupid and foolish she had been to do that. She wouldn't have forgiven him if he had done that with Quinn. Yet, why did he continue to punish her? The slushy attacks from the football team, the abandonment of the entire Glee club, and continual glares weren't enough?

Rachel didn't know how much embarrassment she could handle anymore. She hated going home to her father's and crying because 'life wasn't fair' or 'Santana won't leave me alone'. She didn't _want _to run away from her problems. Yet, she felt as though staying only fueled the taunting looks and conversations behind her back.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Rachel took different routes to class so she could avoid any member of the football team, cheerleading team, and Glee club. Lunch was frightening as always but today was worse. Puck had the nerve to sit next to Rachel and try to get her to sing the duet with him. She ended up eating lunch in the library.

After the school bell rang, she went over to her locker only to find drawing taped on it. It was of herself. Her nose had been drawn significantly larger and her eyebrows had formed a uni brow. Red pen marked her pimples and her mouth was opening containing buck teeth. Above her read: _Rachel Hairy_.

Rachel skipped practice that day making an excuse that she said had a doctor's appointment.

Once Rachel was safely confided in her home, she quickly took her anxiety meds with a cup of water and ran up to her room. After swallowing, she grabbed her phone and dialed the number to her only friend: Kurt.

He picked up after the first ring. "Well hello there, Berry. How may I help you?"

She sighed, "I have something to tell you. But you can't tell anyone – _especially Finn._"

Rachel could almost see him roll his eyes, "You're transferring schools to be in Vocal Adrenaline?"

She laughed quietly. "Absolutely not! I would be hated there just as much as I'm hated here at McKinley."

Kurt grumbled something under his breath.

"What was that?" Rachel asked.

He sighed, "My step-brother's an ass."

"Kurt…," She started to feel uneasy. She was in a good mood since the medicine helped calm her down and didn't want to stress out over the thought of Finn.

"No, Rachel. He really is! I can't believe he hasn't gotten over what you did. I get it, that was really messed up for you to cheat but he isn't a saint! He cheated on Quinn with you when the club first started out –"

Rachel cut him off, "How in the world did you find out about that!"

He laughed, "I overheard him and Carole talking about it a couple of months ago."

Rachel sighed.

"Anyways," Kurt started talking again, "He is acting immature. It's embarrassing, really. You would think because I was the diva in this household that no one could top my tantrums but he's definitely giving me a run for the money. All he does is walk around the house with a grimace on his face and when anyone mentions anything about his mood, he snaps at them and leaves for a 'drive' or whatever."

"What do you mean by 'leaves for a drive'?" She asked quietly.

Kurt exhaled, "I don't really know. He just leaves the house saying that he'll be back in a bit then he gets into his car and just _goes_. One day I followed him with Blaine but we lost him after he made a quick turn and merged with the traffic."

She closed her eyes and stretched out on her bed. "I'm sorry, Kurt. If I could take back everything I did, I would."

"It's not your fault. Well, okay maybe it is but he's acting like a big baby. I can't believe he got the Gleeks to turn on you."

Rachel let out a surprised laugh. "Really, Kurt? Are you so surprised by that? I'm sure they were just dying for the moment where they finally had a real reason to hate me."

"I am surprised…I mean, the cheerios and footballers make sense because they're popular so they'll hate on anybody. But Artie, Tina, and Mercedes? They _know_ what it feels like to be ignored. They shouldn't act that way to you."

"It's fine, Kurt. I mean you would have hated me too if we didn't have that epiphany that maybe we were better off as friends than enemies," she laughed softly.

"I suppose you're right…" there was a knock on the door and Rachel's breath hitched as she heard the voice talking to Kurt.

"Your dad wants you in the kitchen," she heard Finn grumble.

"Okay, tell him I'm on the phone and I'll be there in a second."

Finn groaned, "Can't you take a break from talking to Blaine? It's annoying."

"Look, Finn. Just because you're my step-brother doesn't give you the right to interfere with my social life. Besides, I'm not talking to Blaine," Kurt replied with a twinge of annoyance.

"Who _are_ you talking to, then?" Finn asked sounding surprised. Rachel made a mental note to stop complaining about her life so she could talk to Kurt about Blaine.

"None of your business," Kurt replied immediately.

Rachel decided to intervene so she wouldn't get him into trouble. "Hey Kurt, I'll just call you back, okay?"

Kurt sighed, "Fine. Call me tomorrow, though."

She smiled softly, "Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

She hung up the phone and put it on her night stand. She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep – tired from today's events and her phone call with Kurt.

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**A/N:** Thank you all so much for the alerts and reviews. Sorry I couldn't reply to them. I'll definitely do it this time. (Maybe even throw in a little teaser for the third chapter.)

I know a lot of you probably really hate Finn right now. I know I do - both in this fic & on the show - but I promise that he'll start to mature. It won't be an overnight thing but by the end of this story I hope that he'll would have won your hearts back.

Until then, I leave you with a FML!Rachel and a emo!Finn.


	3. Apologies

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX. All lyrics belong to their respected owners, as well.

A huge thanks to sandra-wfg for beta'ing this story. Go check out her fic, Eventually, because it's awesome & full of Finchel angst.

_Author's Note at the bottom._

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Chapter Three

Rachel knew that she would have to face Glee after the confrontation sooner or later. She could either go in today and deal with all the backlash from the locker episode or maybe she could gain a few days if she feigned being sick. She hoped it would be the latter but knew that wasn't possible. She couldn't hide from Finn or Santana for the rest of the year. They still had to perform at Regional's and Mr. Schue had decided that he wanted to put an invitational a couple weeks before Regional's.

Rachel rolled her eyes at the thought of two big performances with the group. She wondered how many times Santana would try and trip her before someone intervened. _If they would even intervene_.

With pseudo strength, she marched into the room and right to the seat in the back of the room. She took a deep breath and stared ahead – ignoring the stares that followed her every move.

Luckily, Mr. Schue walked in right after her. He re-wrote 'anger' on the white board and turned to the group.

"Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you've all chosen the song you wanted to sing. I know a couple of you have doubled up for duets and that's great. Does anyone, besides Puck, know they will be ready to sing this Friday?" He asked the class.

Rachel quickly snuck a peek at everyone. She saw Noah staring at her and looked away to see Mercedes put her hand up.

"I'll be ready, Mr. Schue."

Mr. Schue grinned, "Great. I can't wait to see what you have planned."

The group laughed. No doubt would Mercedes have some sassy, diva-esque song planned out. Rachel smiled at the thought. No matter what she thought of her, she couldn't deny that Mercedes had talent when it came to singing.

"Anyways," Mr. Schue began speaking again, "I'll give you a half hour to practice your songs. Brad will help with the music but it's first come first serve. You'll have to ask him on your own time to help him if you can't get time during Glee."

With that, the group dispersed to 'practice singing' which meant to gossip about the school day. Rachel stayed in her seat and pulled out her binder dedicated to solos she wanted to sing. She flipped through the categories till she landed on 'anger/angst'. She had Google'd several songs that broke away from her regular Broadway searches.

She had decided after her conversation with Kurt that she would sing a solo. She missed singing for it was the only outlet she had to let her emotions out. She couldn't draw, couldn't write poetry, nor could she play a sport to save her life. Singing was her comfort zone. No one could take that away from her. Well, they couldn't take it away from her _anymore_…

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_Flash back_

_It was a couple weeks after the infamous Christmas tree farm break up. School had started up again after the holiday break and Rachel had just walked into practice. Mr. Schue had told her that he wanted to hear the solo that she wanted to sing for Regional's. Excited that it seemed that Mr. Schue didn't let the teenage gossip get to him, Rachel told him she would have the performance ready by the next day._

_It was the first time she felt happy in a while. The daily glares from her peers hadn't affected her and somehow she had dodged seeing Finn. _

_The next day, Rachel stood in front of the club. She tried to ignore their angry faces and the whispers that came from Brittany and Santana. She turned to Mr. Schue who was smiling encouragingly at her._

_She turned back to them and took a deep breath before speaking._

"_I've decided to sing 'If Ever I Would Leave You' which was featured in the musical, _Camelot_," She murmured quietly._

_The music started up and Rachel took another deep breath. _

You can do this, Rachel. Just sing and they won't say anything about it.

_With that, Rachel began singing._

_"If ever I would leave you  
It wouldn't be in summer.  
Seeing you in summer I never would go.  
Your hair streaked with sun-light,  
Your lips red as flame,  
Your face with a lustre  
that puts gold to shame!_

_But if I'd ever leave you,  
It couldn't be in autumn.  
How I'd leave in autumn I never will know."_

_Rachel stopped singing. Not because she forgot the lyrics. Not because the song had ended. It was because Finn was leaving. He grabbed his bag and without a word, left the classroom. Rachel turned to Mr. Schue who was looking down at his papers. _

"_Wow, Man Hands, you sure know how to break a guy's heart a million times, don't you?" Quinn sneered viciously._

_Rachel was taken aback. She didn't know that Finn would get the impression that she was singing for him. _

_Sam nodded along with Quinn, "Yeah. I don't know you that well but that was a low blow, Rachel."_

_Santana laughed, "I can't believe you all are surprised that _she_would be capable of doing this to Finn. She cheated on him with his best friend – this is just another way to add salt to the wound."_

_The group agreed and whispers crossed the room. Rachel turned back to look at Mr. Schue and he sighed._

"_Alright guys, let's move on."_

_Rachel stared at him shocked. 'Let's move on'? That was all he had to say about what had just occurred? He wasn't going to defend her and tell them to stop freaking out? _

"_Mr. Schue…" She begged him quietly._

_He turned to her and shrugged. _

_End Flash Back_

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The tears threatened to spill but Rachel refused to allow it to happen. It was in the past now. She needed to move on.

With a sigh, she quickly flipped past the page that she was on and tried to find a different song.

"Rachel."

She closed her eyes and willed Noah to leave her alone.

"Noah, I really would like to be alone now," She replied shakily. The tears still had yet to leave.

Noah sighed, "You're always alone, Berry. You need a friend."

She opened her eyes and glared at him, "And you qualify as a friend?"

As much as she knew it was wrong to snap at him, Rachel felt good to finally let off some steam. She was tired of people telling her what she _apparently_ needed. She _apparently_ needed a life. She _apparently_ needed to get over Finn. She _apparently_ needed to get over this funk she was in. God, she was so sick and tired of people telling her that.

She was so caught up in her angry thoughts that she failed to see that Noah was still talking to her.

"- Screwed up to Finn but he deserved it. You were the best thing that ever happened to him. He treated you wrongly, Berry. I know I'm a douche but I admit that and embrace it wholeheartedly. Finn is just an undercover one. He pretends to be the all American guy who sticks up for the nerds and treat girls the way they should be treated but he isn't."

Rachel stopped Noah as he took a deep breath.

"Look, Noah. I appreciate that you seem to be taking my side on this break up but I don't need you to bash Finn. He had every right to break up with me," She admitted with a quieter tone.

Noah shook his head, "Okay so maybe he did but he shouldn't treat you like you're the anti-Christ. He has made so many mistakes and you just forgive him in an instant."

"No, I don't!" Rachel defended weakly.

"Yes, you do. If he came up to you right now and apologized for how he's been treating you, you would forgive him without a fight," he replied angrily.

Rachel shook her head but didn't reply. She knew he was right and he knew she knew that. It was embarrassing and pathetic and made her feel weaker than she had ever imagined.

"I'm such a stupid girl," She whispered forlornly.

Noah sighed and sat next to her. He grabbed her hands and held them in hers. At this point, Rachel couldn't have cared less about who was glaring at them. She could only think of how her self esteem had been destroyed.

"Rachel, talk to me. I know I can be rude and hurt your feelings but I really want to be there for you."

She looked up at him and searched his face. She tried to find the hint of the bad boy that Noah always acted to be. Of course, she knew deep down that he had a soft spot for people he cared for.

With a sharp intake of air, she realized she had wormed herself unknowingly into that spot. She was comforted yet terrified by it. She knew he held no romantic feelings towards her but still…

"I, um, I have to go…do something," she finally mumbled lamely.

He sighed and let go of her hands. "I'm not letting you be alone anymore. And I'm definitely not going to stand around and watch the guys slushee you or Santana be a bitch to you. I apologize for not standing up for you before. It was wrong."

Rachel smiled softly. It had been a while that someone had apologized to her and not vice versa.

"Thanks, Noah. I really appreciate that."

He scratched the back of his head, "so about that duet?"

_And there goes the good mood I was in,_ Rachel thought bitterly.

"I really would rather not sing with you or anyone for that matter," She told him honestly.

Before he could interrupt, she kept speaking, "I get that our voices sound great together. They always have. I'm just not into singing anymore –"

"You're in Glee club. How can you not be into singing –"

"Because I'll sing in the back. It works best for all of us. I'm not into singing solos or duets anymore." _More attention that I can't garner, _she thought quietly.

Noah was persistent though. "Whatever. I'll get you to sing with me by Friday no matter what it takes."

With that, he got up and walked over to Mike and Tina. She sighed and shook her head. Looking to the other side, she saw that practice was basically over. She began gathering her stuff and quietly left the room without anyone noticing.

She was halfway down the hallway when she realized she had forgotten her English textbook. With a couple of slipped curse words, she made another turn and walked towards her locker.

When she got there, she opened her locker and took a deep breath. Even though it had been a month or so since the break up, seeing the empty locker still shocked her. Besides the fact that there was no memorabilia of Finn and her, there was no gold stars or pictures of a Tony award. It was just empty – only holding textbooks and crumpled assignments that she didn't bother to store in her binder.

Rachel grabbed her textbook and locked up the locker. She turned to see Mercedes standing right beside her. They both held a deer in headlights expression.

"Did you need something?" Rachel asked and wanted to slap herself when she heard the fright lace her words.

Mercedes looked around. "I just wanted to say that I'm, er, that I'm really sorry for what I did," she finally spilled.

Rachel was shocked, to say the least.

"What in the world are _you_ apologizing for?" She asked dumbfounded.

Mercedes glanced around the hallways again and Rachel followed her. No one was here. No one was here to watch the exchange. A certain _no one_ wasn't here to watch Mercedes actually apologize to Rachel.

"Look, I talked to Kurt last night," Mercedes spoke quietly, "He made me think about the way everyone has been treating you. I realized that what we've been doing has been really wrong…and I apologize for the way I've acted towards you."

Even though she knew she was only getting this apology because Finn wasn't here to witness it, Rachel still accepted it. Maybe it was pathetic of her to do so but like she had told Puck, she was sick and tired of always apologizing to people.

Rachel brushed some hair out of her face and smiled awkwardly at Mercedes. "Thanks Mercedes. You don't know how much that means to me."_Of course it would mean a lot more to be if you had done it in front of Finn but I'll take what I can get_, she thought bitterly.

Mercedes nodded, turned around and walked off without another word.

Kurt talked to Mercedes? Rachel wanted to climb into a hole and stay there. She would have to call him tonight and interrogate him. A part of her felt embarrassed because he shouldn't be fighting her problems while another part of her felt protected - finally some one had defended her. Rachel took a deep breath and walked towards the parking lot. She knew her dad was probably waiting for her and she didn't want to dwell on what had just happened.

Once she was safely in the car, she looked out the window to see Finn staring at her. She couldn't read his facial expression so she flickered one last glance at him before turning back to her father.

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**A/N:** Once again, a huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed (hope you all enjoyed the teaser!), favorited this story, or put this story on alert. It means so much to me. I'll be sending out a teaser for next chapter as well for everyone who reviews.

And on that note, I leave you with confused!Rachel and protective!Puck.

_Link to sandra-wfg's fic, Eventually: _http: / / www . fanfiction . net / s / 6542239 / 1 / Eventually _(without all the spaces)_


	4. Mixed Messages: Part One

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.

As always, a huge thanks to sandra-wfg for beta'ing this story. Without your help, this story would be a mess of grammar mistakes and confusing storylines.

_Quick note: Mike sits with the Gleeks because he's dating Tina – same for Brittany and Artie. Santana, Quinn, Sam, Finn, and Puck all sit with them because they're tired of being the basis for all jokes when they sit with their jock 'friends'. _

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Chapter Four

_Mixed Messages: Part One_

While Rachel loathed going to Glee practice, it paled in comparison to lunch time. Lunch time was the worst for several reasons. One, she sat by herself in a table near the back of the cafeteria. Not even Jacob and his creepy friends would sit by her for fear of getting slusheed. Two, the Gleeks sat at a table on the other side of the room with a perfect view of her being lonely which resulted in several jokes and jabs about her during Glee practice. Thirdly, not only was she tormented by the Gleeks but she was ruthlessly picked on by the jocks and Cheerio's.

Rachel shook her head, hoping to clear away the terrible thoughts, and made a beeline from the food line to her table. She sat down and carefully placed her food in a straight line about five inches from the edge of the table. This way, she would be able to eat without someone pushing her food off the table or worse – her face into the food. She tried not to shudder as she remembered how she had spent all of fifth period, once, trying to comb out the potato soup from her hair.

As she began eating her salad, she cautiously looked around. No one was looking her way. She took a quick peak over at the Gleeks' table. She saw Finn laughing at something Artie said and wrap his arms around Santana's shoulders. Santana brushed him off, though, so she could lean closer to Quinn. From Rachel's point of view, it looked as if they were arguing. She could see Santana's face scrunch up while Quinn's ponytail bounced back and forth because she was shaking her head.

_Good, maybe they'll spend Glee practice yelling at each other instead of picking on me, _Rachel thought hopefully. She smiled softly to herself and took another bite of her salad.

Rachel was used to sitting by herself. At first, she cried before and after lunch because of the loneliness. Now, though, she almost enjoyed it. It gave her all the time to think. Well, to think about Finn. Sometimes she'd think about confronting Finn and yelling at him for all the pain he'd caused her. Sometimes she'd think about convincing him to give her another chance but that would always end up with her crying so she squashed that thought.

Even now, Rachel found herself sneaking another peek at Finn. She wondered if she had some sort of subconscious pain fetish. If she didn't, then she wouldn't be spending all of lunch secretly watching him. Watching him smile at something Tina said. Watching him high five Mike about something probably sports related. Watching him kiss Santana's cheek the way he used to kiss hers.

Ugh. If only she could get over him. She replayed her and Noah's conversation from yesterday.

"_He treated you wrongly, Berry." _

Yes, he did treat her wrongly. She couldn't remember a time that he ever defended her. Well, in public at least. She remembered the summer nights when they laid outside on the grass. He'd kiss her softly and whisper words that reassured her that she was beautiful and that she did deserve him. But when it came to school, he was always too busy worrying about his reputation. She was the one that grabbed his hand when they walked to class. She was the one who initiated the kisses. She couldn't remember a time he told her he loved her back when they parted ways after Glee practice.

"_He pretends to be the all American guy who sticks up for the nerds and treat girls the way they should be treated but he isn't."_

It was true. He'd let Karofsky and his minions mock her as they walked to the gym. He let Santana bully her because he was afraid that he'd be her next target. Rachel felt like such an idiot when she thought about their relationship.

"_If he came up to you right now and apologized for how he's been treating you, you would forgive him without a fight."_

Rachel felt tears threaten to spill but she didn't dare let them fall. She was mortified at the way she let herself be treated. More than that, she was mortified that Noah was right and that she would take him back. It was like this part of her just couldn't imagine life without Finn so she kept hoping he would come to his senses and get back together with her. She knew the chances were so slim they were non-existent, but she couldn't help but hope.

Her thoughts were interrupted by someone clearing their throat loudly. She looked up, startled, to see who it was. Noah and Mercedes stood before her with tiny smiles. She glanced behind them to the Gleeks' table and found the others staring at them. If she wasn't so shocked, she would have left at the comical expressions that graced all of their faces.

"Um," was the only response Rachel could form.

Noah spoke first. "Mercedes and I decided to join you for lunch today. Hope you don't mind."

He sat down and a second later, Mercedes followed his actions. Rachel stared at them, mouth wide open.

"What if I told you I didn't want you to eat with me?" She questioned.

"Honey, do you think Puck would take 'no' for an answer?" Mercedes chided playfully.

Rachel glanced at her and back at Noah. He kept that same smile but it grew more as he kept biting into his hamburger. She sighed and took another bite from her salad.

"Why are you guys sitting here anyways?" Rachel asked quietly. She wondered if Santana had put them up to this. It made sense – Rachel would never think of Noah or Mercedes doing anything _too _cruel to her.

Noah rolled his eyes, "Come on, Berry. Can't we eat lunch with you? Is it so hard to believe that people want to be friends with you?"

"It is when you two were so horrible to me for so long!" Rachel snapped back.

The table suddenly got quiet and Rachel noticed the whole cafeteria had as well. She realized a second too late that it wasn't because she had snapped but it was because the cafeteria had been silent after Noah and Mercedes decided to sit with her.

Mercedes spoke first. "Look, Rachel. We are really sorry for what we did to you. We're trying to make it better. We want you to know that we have your back. We won't let people bully you anymore."

"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" Rachel retorted angrily. With a sigh, she grabbed her stuff and left the cafeteria without another word.

**xXx**

"I just don't get it, Kurt. Why did they decide to be my friends? Why now?" Rachel asked for the millionth time.

Neither of her fathers could pick her up during school so Rachel found herself in sick bay all afternoon. Now, she lay on her bed with her phone and a bowl of ice cream.

Kurt sighed, "I have no idea about Puck. That boy always surprises me ever since he shaved his corny Mohawk off. What I do know, though, is that Mercedes truly feels bad about how she treated you."

Rachel shook her head. "That's only because you forced her to –"

"- I don't force people to apologize. I merely told her that she was a total hypocrite for treating you the way she did. The realization dawned on her and she told me she'd try and do things right by you," Kurt interrupted.

"Whatever," Rachel groaned, "I just can't believe everything that has happened this past week. One morning, I wake up being the loner that I am and the next, I apparently have gained two new friends. On top of that, I'm threatened by Santana for talking to a guy who isn't even her man and my ex-boyfriend defends her instead of believing me. Ugh!"

She heard Kurt snort. "Not funny, Hummel. I'm a diva in distress right now and all you can do is snort?"

"I'm not laughing at your expense. I'm just laughing at the irony in the situation," he replied laughing softly.

"What does that mean?"

"Before, all you wanted was friends. You wanted people to defend you and protect you from the bullies of McKinley High. But now that you _are_ gaining friends, you're angry with them. Rightfully so, of course. It's just – what do you really want, Rach? Do you want friends or not?"

Rachel thought this over. Of course she wanted friends. Who wouldn't? But did she really want Noah and Mercedes as friends? It was a no brainer for Noah – of course she wanted him as a friend. She remembered the brief moment they dated and how it was more friendship than relationship. Mercedes was a whole other matter. She had never particularly been nice to Rachel – save for Carole and Burt's wedding – and always mocked her ideas and ways of going about things. Yet, Mercedes had seemed genuine when she apologized.

"I don't know, Kurt. I really don't know," Rachel whispered defeated. It was the first time she was genuinely confused.

"I'll let you sleep on it, okay? You need some time to think."

Rachel smiled. "Thanks, Kurt."

"No problem. Oh, I forgot to tell you! I'm coming home tomorrow and staying till Thursday afternoon. My dad and Carole are going to some concert and they want Finn and me to watch the house. You want to come over for dinner?"

"With Finn there? No way," Rachel muttered.

Kurt groaned. "Come on! I'll make sure he leaves. Besides, don't you want to hear all about my life with The Warblers?"

"You can tell me that over the phone!" She protested weakly – she already knew she had lost this debate.

"Yes but you won't get to see pictures of all the boys. I have pictures of Blaine and me together," Kurt teased.

Rachel laughed loudly, "Fine, fine. Just make sure Finn's out of the house and I'll be there. Promise?"

She could practically see Kurt smiling at her answer. "Yes, of course. I'll see you tomorrow, darling!"

They hung up and she shook her head. She had no idea what she had put herself into and she didn't know if she liked that or not.

She went downstairs to put away her ice cream bowl and finish some homework. She looked in the living room and saw her fathers curled up on the couch watching the Travel Channel. She smiled and walked over to them.

"Rachel! How are you, baby girl?" Her father, Hiram, asked softly.

She shrugged, "I'm good – really good, actually. Kurt invited me over to his house for dinner."

Her other father, Leroy, widened his eyes. "Kurt? Isn't that the boy that lives with _Finn_?" She winced at the way her father said his name – with such hatred and distaste.

"Yes…but Kurt said she's going to get him to leave the house so we can catch up. I haven't seen him since Sectionals," she answered.

Hiram sighed and stood up. He wrapped his arms around Rachel and hugged her. She leaned against him.

"What happens if you run into him? Maybe you should bring your anxiety medicine, just in case." He spoke softly.

Rachel shook her head, "That isn't necessary, Dad. I'll take them before I leave. I'm confident that nothing too bad will happen."

Her fathers looked to each other and then back at her.

"If you say so…" Leroy murmured.

Rachel smiled. "Everything will be okay. I'm going to bed now. Good night."

They nodded and watched her leave the room.

Once she was safely tucked into her bed, Rachel found herself easily falling into sleep. Her dreams that night revolved around the person she both loved and loathed: Finn.

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**A/N:** Part two/chapter 5 will be up (most likely) Sunday. I'll be sending out teasers to all that review. Make sure you're PM is enabled. I went to reply to some of your reviews and the site wouldn't let me because your PM's were disabled. Sorry if you reviewed & didn't get a teaser. I couldn't think of any other way to send it.

Until then, I leave you with baffled!Rachel and understanding!Kurt.


	5. Mixed Messages: Part Two

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.

A huge thanks to sandra-wfg for beta'ing this. She has a new Glee fic (Finchel, of course) that you should all go check out asap! It's called Invisible and you can find it on profile under the 'favorites' category. :-)

_Author's Note at the bottom._

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Chapter Five

_Mixed Messages: Part Two_

Today was going to be bad. Rachel could feel it in every inch of her body. She woke up late and only had a half an hour before she had to be at school. She also forgot to take her anxiety meds and knew that it would upset both of her fathers. On top of that, she had to go to Kurt's tonight which meant she had a great chance of seeing Finn.

As Rachel thought about the implications of tonight, she felt someone tap on her shoulder. She turned around and suppressed a gasp. Finn was standing right before her.

"Finn?" She asked and wondered briefly if she was daydreaming again.

He stared everywhere except her face. "Hi, Rachel."

She tightened her arms around her English book that pressed against her chest. She could feel her heart beating quickly and sweat on her forehead. She hadn't been this close to Finn in a long time and she didn't feel comfortable.

"Did you need something?" She stuttered.

He scratched the back of his neck. "I just…well Kurt wanted to know if you were still, um, still coming over tonight?"

"Will you be there?" The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. She cringed and looked down at the floor.

He stopped scratching his head and his arms folded together across his chest. "What does that matter to you?" His voice was monotone – no trace of emotion.

_Turn around and walk away. Turn around and walk away. Turn around and walk away! _Her mind screamed at her.

"Well, if you will be there, then no, I won't come over. You made it clear – you need your space," she replied with the same monotone voice.

He glared at her. "So you're just going to ditch Kurt?"

She could feel anger growing in her. Of course she didn't want to ditch Kurt. But she knew he would understand why she chose to not come over – he made it a point to constantly tell her that he was on her side and not, "my stupid step-brother's" side.

"Of course I'm not going to ditch Kurt. What kind of person do you think I am?" She asked angrily. Her legs were trembling and she could feel her face turning red.

"Oh, I don't know. A cheater, a liar, and a hypocrite – those are just a few to name," Finn muttered.

Rachel stopped shaking and finally had the courage to look up at his face. His mouth was set into a hard line and his eyes blazed down at her. Rachel bit her lip. She had to get out of here. Without another word, she ran past Finn and straight to the girl's bathroom.

Sitting in the stall, Rachel put her head into her hands and cried. She hated the effect he had on her. She hated that he turned her into an emotional wreck. She grabbed her bag and sifted through it until she found the little orange bottle that read Benzodiazepine. She popped the pills into her mouth and took a sip from the water bottle that also sat in her bag. Leaning her head against the stall wall, she closed her eyes and waited for the effects to kick in.

She heard the first period bell ring.

Then second period.

Then third period and it was lunch time.

Rachel stayed in the bathroom. She was a coward and knew she should go to class but she couldn't face Finn. She couldn't face eating at a lunch table by herself while everyone picked on her. She didn't want the half hour to think about how things could have been so many better if she had just let the issue of Finn sleeping with Santana fade away.

There was a knock on the stall door and Rachel lifted her head up.

"Rachel? It's me, Mercedes." She heard Mercedes speak softly.

"Go away," she replied sadly.

Mercedes sighed. "Come on, honey. It's no good for you to stay in here all day."

_Yes because facing my demons would be so much better._ "I'd rather this than the cafeteria," Rachel said honestly.

She heard Mercedes chuckle.

"Come on, girl. Can we at least go to the library? I don't want to eat my food where people use the restroom."

Rachel remembered what Kurt had said last night: _"What do you really want, Rach? Do you want friends or not?"_

Rachel grabbed her things and left the stall. Her lips curved into a small smile.

"Yes, the library sounds much better than the bathroom."

Mercedes smiled back.

They walked side by side in silence to the library. When Rachel walked in, she saw that it was mostly empty. She was thankful for that. It was embarrassing enough that Mercedes had seen her pale face marked with blotchy red spots from crying. She didn't need to fuel the bullies anymore.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Mercedes asked quietly.

Rachel bit her lip. Should she tell Mercedes? They weren't exactly close but Mercedes had come to find her…

"Finn and I had a little bit of a confrontation, you could say," Rachel replied quietly.

Mercedes tilted her head. "What do you mean, a 'confrontation'?"

"He asked me if I would be going to his house tonight – to see Kurt, as you know – and I told him that I'd be going if he wasn't there. When we broke up, he made it very clear that he needed to be away from me so I wanted to respect that. But when I told him that today, he just got angry and started yelling at me," Rachel spoke sadly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"What? Why would he yell at you? You'd think he'd be happy," Mercedes said, confused.

Rachel nodded in agreement. "That's what I thought. But then he said something about it being rude that I was ditching Kurt. I told him that I wasn't and asked him what kind of person he thought I was and," she took a deep breath, "he said that I was a liar, hypocrite, and a cheater. I knew he wanted to say more so I quickly left and headed to the girl's room."

It was quiet. Rachel looked up to see Mercedes eyes widen and then narrow. She opened her mouth a few times to speak but nothing came out. Rachel looked away and clasped her hands together.

"He is such a freakin' asshole!" Mercedes finally blurted out.

Rachel gasped, "Mercedes!"

"Oh no, girl. He deserves to be called that and a thousand more horrible names. How dare he yell at you like that? Oh my god," Mercedes breathed out. "I can't believe how wrong we've all been."

"What do you mean?" Rachel asked slowly. She had no idea where this conversation would be going and she didn't want to find out.

"Ever since you and Finn broke up, everyone placed the blame on you. We all knew how much it hurt Finn to be cheated on twice but never once did we wonder how you felt. It was just so easy for us to hate you, you know? We didn't think twice when he told us to ignore you –"

Rachel interrupted her, "Wait… Finn told you guys to ignore me?"

Mercedes looked down at the table. Rachel sat there, shocked. She knew Finn had hated her…but she didn't think he would be so cruel as to tell the others to treat her wrongly.

"Did he tell the football team to slushee me as well?" Rachel asked. She was surprised at the calm that laced her voice.

"No, of course not. He only told us to ignore you." Mercedes' tone was reassuring but all Rachel felt was pain.

Rachel shook her head, "still doesn't mean what he did was right."

Mercedes nodded and they sat together in silence for the rest of lunch.

School went by in a blur and soon, Rachel found herself standing in front of Kurt and Finn's house. She had no idea what she was going to do. How could she face Finn after what she just heard?

Her phone vibrated and she pulled it out to see a new text from Kurt.

_I see you outside, stalker. Just knock on the door and I'll let you into this house of sin._

She laughed and shook her head. She knocked on the door once and Kurt answered it. He grabbed her and spun her in a circle.

"I've missed seeing your face, Berry. How are you?" He asked letting her catch her breath.

She shrugged. "Been better but things are looking up since I get to hang out with you."

Kurt laughed and put his hand over his heart. "You sure know how to swoon a boy, Ms. Rachel."

She joined his laughter and he brought her over to the kitchen. She looked around for any sign of Finn but the house was silent except for their walking and chattering.

Rachel sat down at the table as Kurt brought over the meal.

"Wow Kurt, this looks amazing. When did you learn how to cook?" She asked as she looked over the table.

Kurt smirked. "I didn't – I had Carole and my dad put something together for us. By the way, that lasagna is vegan. Don't think I see you starting to drool over it."

Rachel blushed and grabbed her portion of each meal. Once they were both settled, they began updating each other on everything.

Kurt informed Rachel that his conquest for a romantic relationship with Blaine was slowly but surely getting there. They both swooned over the fact that Blaine remembered such trivial things as a coffee order whenever they went out together.

Rachel, while envious that Kurt's romantic life was working out, couldn't help but be happy for her friend. After all the drama that Kurt had gone through at McKinley, it was nice to see that his life had gotten better.

"Hey Kurt, do you know what time Mom and Burt said they were coming home? Santana just called and said she wanted to throw a huge party and we have the house tonight so I thought why not."

Rachel and Kurt both froze. Finn had just walked into the room and Rachel wanted to run and crawl into a hole.

"Kurt? Are you in here…oh."

She closed her eyes as she heard him change voices.

Kurt mouthed 'I'm so sorry' before looking up at Finn.

"No parties. I'm here for one night and that's because our parents trust us. No way am I letting you throw a party that I'll have to clean up." Rachel noted how angry Kurt sounded when he talked to Finn.

She heard Finn sigh – she didn't dare turn around and see his face.

"Whatever, then. When will you guys be done here? I haven't eaten yet," Finn replied quietly.

"Why don't you just eat with us?" Kurt asked politely.

Rachel blanched. Kurt smirked at her and winked. How could he even ask that? She stabbed her fork into the lasagna.

"Uh, I don't think that'd be the best idea. I'll just go eat in my room."

Kurt stared at him. "And have your mother yell at you for a week or two on why you can't eat in your room?"

"Kurt," Rachel whispered.

No one spoke for a couple minutes. If it wasn't for the phone ringing, Rachel was sure no one would have made a noise.

Finn grabbed it and she could hear him talking right behind her.

"Hello? Oh, hi Burt. Yeah, everything's going fine. Yeah, Rachel's here with Kurt. Everything's fine. Do you want to talk to him? Oh okay…here he is."

Kurt grabbed the phone and left the room. Rachel sighed and began eating again. She heard Finn in the kitchen grabbing something and before she knew it, he was right next to her. She looked up to find him staring at her.

"Do you mind if I eat here?" He asked quietly.

"It's fine." _Keep it short. Don't let him see how he's affecting you._

He nodded and grabbed some of the lasagna. The table was small and round with only four seating places. Since Kurt had sat in front of her, Rachel realized that Finn only had the choice of sitting next to her on either side.

He sat on her left and began eating. His face twisted into a look of disgust. Rachel blushed – had she said something out loud?

"What the hell is this?" Finn muttered.

Rachel let out a giggle before she could stop herself. Finn glanced at her.

She composed herself. "Its vegan lasagna."

Finn stared at her for a moment before turning back to his plate. "Well it tastes like crap."

Rachel took another bite of her portion in response. Where was Kurt and why was he taking so long to come back? Surely his dad didn't have _that_ much to say.

"Look Rachel, I'm really sorry for what I said today."

Rachel choked on her salad and started coughing. Finn, who looked like he had no idea what to do, stood up.

"Are you okay? Should I dial 911? Do I need to pat you on the back or something? I think I remembered hearing that in that health class we had to take."

She shook her head in protest. Finally, the coughing died down and she cleared her throat.

"I'm fine, Finn. I was just surprised to hear that from you," she told him honestly.

Finn scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, well, I saw how much I hurt your feelings in the hallway…"

_And you haven't seen how much you've hurt my feelings this past month?_

Rachel sighed and grabbed her plate and cup. She hadn't finished her meal but she certainly wasn't hungry anymore. She stood up and walked over to the sink.

Finn's eyes widen. "Why are you walking away? I just apologized."

She looked at him. "Exactly, Finn! You _just_ apologized. You should have apologized a long time ago."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" He got up and walked over to her.

She put her hands on her hips. "You really want to go there, Finn?"

"Yeah, I do."

She let out a bitter laugh. "Fine, let's go there. You should have apologized to me for the way you treated me ever since we first met. You should have apologized for going out with Quinn when you wanted to be with me. You should have apologized for telling me you'd rather find your 'inner rock star' instead of going out with me. You should have apologized every time Santana or someone from school insulted me in front of you. You should have apologized for lying to me about sleeping with Santana. You should have apologized for turning everyone against me. And mostly you should have apologized for making me fall in love with you!"

By the time she was done, tears were streaming down her face and she had to take deep breaths.

Finn stared down at her with a horrified expression.

"Rach…"

She closed her eyes. She didn't want to hear him call her that. That was reserved for when they were dating.

"I, uh, I –"

"Save it, Finn," she whispered blinking back more tears. "What's done is done. I've apologized for everything I did to you. I have to move on with my life. I won't let you damage me more than you already have."

She turned and ran straight into Kurt. He grabbed her so she wouldn't fall and they walked quickly into his room.

"I am so sorry for leaving you alone with him, Rachel. I didn't think he'd do anything," Kurt confessed.

Rachel waved her hands in a dismissing manner. "It's fine, Kurt. Like I told him, what's done is done. I just really want to go home now."

He nodded and grabbed his car keys. "Let me drive you back, okay?"

She nodded and grabbed her purse.

Traffic kept them getting to her house on time which meant Rachel let Kurt witness some of her break down. She cried silently and ignored him every time he tried to attempt to make her feel better. She needed to cry everything out. That way, when she woke up, she could do what she set out to do: move on from Finn.

Once she was safely back in her house, she ran up to her room. She grabbed a pen and paper from her table and began writing.

_Dad,_

_Today's events – while not the best – helped me answer the question you asked me a while back. _

_My answer is this: yes. I want to move. _

_No, this isn't a decision made out of emotions. I've thought about it a lot and as mentioned above, tonight helped me put things into perspective. _

_We'll talk more about this tomorrow morning. _

_Goodnight,_

_Rachel_

_PS: I hope the work event went well._

Rachel stared at the paper before she brought it downstairs and set it on the counter. She knew her fathers would have a lot of questions for her tomorrow morning but right now she needed sleep.

As she lay down in her bed, another decision was made. Grabbing her phone, she went to her messages and quickly typed one to Noah:

_Are you awake?_

She didn't have to wait more than a minute for the reply:

_What's up?_

Her fingers typed so fast that they were trembling:

_I'll do the duet with you._

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_**A/N: **Everything will be explained in the next chapter, I promise.

As always, a huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed, put this story on alert, or favorite'd this story. It means so much to me. Also, a teaser for the next chapter will be sent out to everyone who reviews. Make sure your PM is enabled.

Until then, I leave you with determined!Rachel.


	6. Decision Making

**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox.

A huge thanks to the wonderful sandra-wfg for beta'ing this chapter. This story would be filled with grammar errors if it weren't for you. :-)

_Quick note: I hope this answers your questions about Rachel's decision to move. Enjoy!  
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Chapter Six

Rachel sat at the counter with her two fathers. They both stared at her with confusion.

"Would you like to explain your note?" Her father, Leroy, asked bluntly.

"I want to move," she replied sounding confident.

Hiram, her other father, tilted his head. "Baby, only a couple weeks ago you were singing a different tune."

**Flashback**

_It had only been a week since the Finchel Break Up 2.0 had happened. Rachel lay in her bed crying as she replayed everything that had led up to it. Santana's brutal confession, couples therapy, kissing Noah, telling Finn, being broken up by Finn. She closed her eyes as more tears leaked out._

_There was a knock on the door. Had Finn come over to apologize? Rachel sat up as the door opened... _

_Only to reveal her fathers looking at her. She could see the panic and fear in their eyes but she just flopped back against her pillow._

"_Leave me alone," she sniffled quietly._

"_Oh, honey," Hiram sighed as he rushed over to her._

_Rachel cried harder. _

_Leroy, her other father, sat on her other side. The three of them lay in Rachel's bed for the rest of the day. Her fathers, trying their best to comfort her, while Rachel cried over the fact that she'd never be with Finn again._

_The next night, all of them sat at dinner. Rachel, barely eating, moved her salad and pasta around with her fork. She only looked up when she heard her father, Leroy, sigh._

"_Is everything okay, Dad?" She asked quietly._

_He shook his head, "No, Rachel. Everything is not okay. You're not okay."_

_Rachel bit her lip but didn't respond. There was no way she'd be able to lie in front of them. _

"_Your dad and I were talking this morning while you were at school," Leroy spoke cautiously as if he were afraid that Rachel would react harshly to what he was about to say, "and we were thinking that maybe it'd be best if we left Lima. We could move somewhere – anywhere, really – where you could be happy."_

_Rachel's head shot up. Moving? Why in the world would they move?_

_She shook her head, "No, daddy. I'm not moving."_

_He sighed, "I know you're trying to be strong about this but enough is enough. It's not healthy to go to school every day only to be taken home halfway because of the anxiety attacks. It also isn't good for you to go to bed every night crying over that stupid boy."_

"_And moving will make everything better?" Rachel replied bitterly. _

_Both of her fathers nodded. _

"_We could go to New York City and enroll you in one of those art schools you've dreamed of going to. You'd have so many more opportunities if we'd move," her other father, Hiram, spoke up._

"_What about your jobs? I can't just expect you guys to up and quit. And what about selling the house? There's no way someone would want to buy a house in Lima, Ohio." Rachel shook her head. "We can't move. I'll move on from Finn, I promise. I just need some time."_

**End Flashback**

Rachel sighed as she thought of the disapproving looks her fathers had given her.

"I just really need to get out of Lima," Rachel began speaking, "I realized that there is nothing in this small town that will help me become to the Broadway star I want to be."

She felt her father, Leroy, staring at her. She stared back hoping that he'd see the honesty of her words. He nodded slowly and held up a piece of paper. She quickly realized it was the note that she had written last night.

"You said that this decision wasn't made out of and I quote, 'No, this isn't a decision made out of emotions. I've thought about it a lot and as mentioned above, tonight helped me put things into perspective.' Rachel, as much as we'd love to believe you, your father and I can't help but think it was. You've made no mention of ever thinking about moving since the night we mentioned it. Whenever we asked you about it, you just shrugged it off and changed the subject."

Rachel didn't reply right away.

"I know I haven't voiced my opinion on moving since you mentioned it, but I can promise you that I did. I thought about it every time someone pu–" she shook her head, "–glared at me in the hallway or 'accidently' bumped into me causing my books to fall everywhere. But I pushed those thoughts away. I didn't want to be weak enough to run away. I didn't want those students to deem me pathetic because I couldn't handle a little bullying. So I stayed in hope that they would stop. Every time I ignored their taunts, I hoped that they'd get over harassing me – maybe even apologize. It worked, too. Two people have already apologized to me –"

Her father, Leroy, interrupted her, "If everyone is being so nice to you, then why do you want to move?"

Rachel smiled sadly at him, "it's not enough, Daddy. Even though they apologized and they're being nice to me – it just isn't enough to take back everything that happened. Finn and I got into a fight yesterday and I just realized that I can't do it anymore. That no matter how I act at McKinley, I'll never get any kind of respect."

It was silent for a few moments before one of them spoke.

"Okay, then. We'll move at the end of the school year. Is that fine with you?" Hiram, asked.

Rachel nodded enthusiastically. She ran up to her room and went over to the calendar that hung on her wall:

**June 2****nd****, 2011**

_Last day of McKinley High School!_

**xXx**

That Monday, Rachel couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face. She hadn't felt this happy since the day before she and Finn had broken up.

"Hey girl, what's with the Cheshire Grin you're working?" Mercedes asked.

Rachel smiled at her and closed her locker. "I'm just in a really good mood, that's all."

Mercedes laughed, "I heard what happened Friday night. You finally let Finn have it, huh?"

She shrugged in response.

Mercedes, getting the point, changed the topic. "So Kurt wants to throw a diva sleep over for all three of us. You in?"

"Of course. All I need to know is when and where," Rachel replied happily.

"We're thinking of doing it next Friday at my place. If you want, he can come pick you up on his way to my house."

"That sounds awesome, Mercedes," Rachel smiled.

They walked into the cafeteria, grabbed their food, and went over to Rachel's – or now, their – table. Noah was already sitting there and Rachel tilted her head when she saw the newest members sitting there.

Artie, Brittany, Tina and Mike all sat at the table. Mike was talking to Noah while Artie taught Brittany how to use the internet on her phone. Tina smiled at Rachel and was the first to speak to her.

"Um, hey Rachel. I hope you don't mind – we all decided to eat lunch with you."

Everyone stopped talking and looked up to watch Rachel react.

She smiled, "That sounds really nice, Tina."

The lunch went over really well and Rachel let herself bask in this happiness. She knew they all had to apologize for everything but it didn't matter.

Noah scooted his chair by her and glanced at her.

"We good, Berry?" he asked softly.

"Of course, Puckerman."

He grinned and bumped his shoulder against hers.

"So I heard that you and Finn had a confrontation."

She laughed, "How does everyone find these things out so quickly?"

"Ask Kurt!" Mercedes chimed in before going back to her conversation with Tina.

Rachel shook her head. "Yeah, Finn and I had a talk. He tried to apologize for what he said to me but then he started getting angry that I didn't accept his apology which made me angry so I yelled at him."

She glanced at Noah to see him speechless.

"You actually yelled at Finn? You called him out on all his shit?"

"Language," Rachel teased him, "But…yes, I called him out on all of his crap. I was just so tired of it."

Noah nodded. "Yeah, yeah. He deserves it, Rach. That was badass of you."

She blushed and looked down. She didn't really think of the implications of her telling Finn off. She was just so angry with the way he was treating her.

She looked past the group she was eating with and looked at the Gleeks' table. No one was sitting there. She looked over at the jocks table and found Quinn, Sam, Santana and Finn sitting there. When her eyes met Finn's gaze, she looked away.

Noah distracted her with a new topic.

"So you need to pick our duet song. It's due Friday and I had a song but Mike talked me out of singing it."

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows. "What song did you choose?"

"_Love the Way You Lie_ by Eminem. I wanted to rap and you could sing that Rihanna chick's part."

"Well then why can't we sing it?" Rachel felt embarrassed that she didn't know the song. She couldn't even think of a time that she had listen to rap besides the songs the Gleeks performed.

"You know how you just yelled at me for cussing?" Noah asked.

Rachel nodded in response.

"Then you definitely don't want to sing the song. Besides the cussing, the song is a little violent."

"How violent?" She questioned dumbly.

He shook his head. "Look the lyrics up yourself."

"I feel so out of the loop," she whined which caused him to laugh. "Well what song should we sing then? I only have songs that should be used for solos."

"Well isn't there any way we can turn them into duets? We can take turns singing the verses."

Rachel smiled at his creativity. "I like that, Noah. I did have a song chosen before you asked me to do the duet with you."

"You did? Were you going to perform it?"

_No._ "Yes," she lied.

He snorted. She rolled her eyes and grabbed her Glee binder. She flipped through it and found the page. She took it out of her binder and handed it over to Noah. She laughed as he read the artist's name and winced.

"Really? Her of all people?"

Rachel laughed. "Just read the lyrics. I think it'd work for the subject."

He scanned them and she knew she had won as his eyes softened during the lyrics.

"Whatever, I guess we can sing it. But we have to change the tune and make it tougher – none of this pansy feel-bad-for-me-because-I'm-so-sad tune that I know is already set to it."

"But the music is what makes the song even more emotional. If you took the lyrics out of it and just listened to the music, you'd find heartbreak and anger mixed together," she tried to reason but stopped when she saw the blank stare Noah gave her.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Rachel ignored Santana's glares, Karofsky's threats to slushee her, and any other bad thing that tried to ruin her good day.

When Glee practice rolled around, Rachel walked in feeling confident. She saw Mercedes and Tina waving over to her.

"We saved you a seat," Tina told her.

Rachel felt her throat tighten up and she knew she was going to cry. She sat down in the seat next to Mercedes and smiled at both the girls. Mercedes patted her knee.

"We have your back now okay?" It wasn't lost on Rachel that it sounded more like a command.

Mr. Schue started up class and announced that Ms. Holiday would be helping them out today. Rachel knew it was an excuse for them to spend more time together but she couldn't find it in her to find it inappropriate.

Once everyone was free to move about, Rachel got up to walk over to Noah. She stopped though when Finn walked in front of her.

"Rachel, I have something to say to you," Finn said quietly.

She crossed her arms. "Save it, Finn. I'm done talking to you."

He groaned, "it's important, though. You have to know how sorry I am for everything I did."

She laughed harshly. "Really Finn? Are you sorry because you actually _feel_ sorry or because I called you out?"

"What the hell does that mean? Of course I'm sorry because I feel sorry or whatever you mean by that…"

She closed her eyes. "Finn, just leave me alone. Why do you have to torment me ruthlessly?"

"So trying to fix things between you and me means I'm tormenting you?" She could hear his voice rise.

"Nothing can be fixed between us. You made that clear when you broke up with me, started dating Santana, and told everyone to ignore me!" she snapped.

"Is everything okay here?" she looked up to see Noah glaring at Finn.

Finn glared back. "Everything's fine, Puck. Go work on your song or whatever."

"I would love to but I can't do that when you're talking to my partner."

"Partner?" Finn looked at Rachel and back at Puck. "What the hell, Rachel?"

Rachel glared at him. "Don't you dare turn this on me, Finn. We aren't together. You have no control over who I sing with!"

"Why him, Rachel? Are you trying to make me jealous or some stupid thing like that?"

Rachel could feel her face turn beet red. She didn't want to fight with Finn. Why did he have to ruin her day? Damnit, why did she _let_ him ruin her day?

"Let's go, Noah. We have to work on our song." She grabbed Noah's arm and led him over to the other side of the room.

She was trembling and took deep breaths.

"Is everything okay, Rach?" Noah asked again.

"Of course. I just need a moment, okay?" she asked desperately.

After a few minutes and a lot of deep breaths, she felt her heart-beat slow down and the sweat go away. It was the first time she had prevented an anxiety attack. She grinned at Noah.

The rest of practice they spent time working on their duet. Rachel was surprised by how good they sounded for only an hour of practice. Once again, she thought of how well she and Noah's voices worked together.

Mr. Schue came over to them at one point and watched them sing the last few verses of the song.

"That was amazing, guys. I can't wait to see the whole thing on Friday."

"Thanks, Mr. Schue." They replied in unison.

After practice ended, Rachel walked with her new friends out to the parking lot. She looked over to see her father waiting for her. She said her round of goodbyes and walked over to his car.

Once inside, she turned and looked at him.

"Are those your friends? I didn't know six people now equaled two friends." His tone was playful.

"Dad…" she warned just as playfully.

"You still want to move?" He asked as they left the parking lot and headed towards home.

Rachel didn't miss a beat. "Of course, I do. Like I said before – these new friendships aren't enough to keep me here."

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you all for the continued support this story! I grin like a crazy person every time I get a message about a review/favorite/story alert. As always, a teaser will be sent out for the next chapter. Make sure your PM is enabled.

Next chapter is one of my favorites: Rachel and Puck perform their duet - how will Finn react?

Until then, I leave you with sassy!Rachel. :-)


	7. Solo & Duet

**Disclaimer: **Characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX. Lyrics belong to original artists.

As always, a big thanks for my wonderful beta, sandra-wfg. You're awesome. :-)

_Author's note at the bottom._

_

* * *

_

Chapter Seven

Rachel sat in the classroom, shaking with nerves. She saw Noah talking to Mercedes and Lauren. She couldn't believe he talked her into doing this. She was not ready to sing in front everyone again. Images of the last time she'd performed flooded through her brain and she shuddered.

_Don't think like that. Noah promised he wouldn't let that happen again_, Rachel tried to reason with herself.

Mr. Schue walked into the room and everyone went to sit in their seats. He walked up to the board and wrote "Anger" on it just like he had done on Monday.

_What I wouldn't give to feel that right now_, Rachel thought pathetically. She was too nervous to feel anything. Maybe she should fake sick again, that always worked. Yet when she looked at Noah, she knew she couldn't let him down like that. He turned to her and smiled and she grimaced in return.

"Alright you guys. It's time to see your performances. Mercedes, you said you had something ready?" Mr. Schue asked.

Mercedes nodded and went to the front of the classroom.

"This song is dedicated to a special friend. I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you because you are a beautiful person inside and out. I can only hope that our friendship will continue to grow. This is for you, Rachel Berry."

Rachel had no idea how to respond but, thankfully, Mercedes had already started her song.

"_She is a pyramid  
But with him she's just a grain of sand  
This love's too strong like mice and men  
Squeezing out the life that should be laid in_

_She was a hurricane-cane-cane-cane  
But now she's just a gust of wind  
She used to set the sails of a thousand ships  
Was a force to be reckoned with_

_She could be a statue of liberty  
She could be a Joan of Arc  
But he's scared of the light that's inside of her  
So he keeps her in the dark"_

Tears sprung to Rachel's eyes as she listened to the lyrics. She watched as Tina and Lauren went to the center and helped Mercedes sing the chorus.

"_Oh, she used to be a pearl...Ohh  
Yeah, she used to rule the world...Ohh  
Can't believe she's become a shell of herself  
'Cause she used to be a pearl"_

Rachel couldn't fathom how she had never heard this song before. It hit so close to home about how she felt. She couldn't stop the tears that fell freely from her face.

"_You don't have to be shell, No  
You're the one that rules your world, ohh  
You are strong and you'll learn  
that you can still go on_

_And you'll always be a pearl"_

With the last verse, Mercedes had pulled her to the floor where the other girls were singing.

Rachel hastily wiped the remaining tears and took a few deep breaths. She sat down again and joined in on the applause from the rest of the class. She bit her trembling lip and hugged Mercedes.

"Thank you so much," she whispered in Mercedes' ear.

Mercedes hugged her back in response.

Rachel chanced a peak at the audience and saw Finn looking at the floor. He met her eyes and she saw the pain in them. For a second, she felt sorry for him – she wanted to go over and comfort him. But then she remembered that _he_ had hurt _her_ badly and that she shouldn't have to comfort him.

_Yeah, easier said than done, kid_.

She felt someone sit on the other side of her and turned to see Noah. She smiled at him and he stuck out his knuckles.

"You ready, Berry?"

She took a deep breath. She could do this. No, she _would_ do this.

"I'm so nervous," she told him as they walked over to the center.

"Rach, I won't let you embarrass yourself."

She nodded, unconvinced. She trusted Noah but she didn't trust Santana and her crude remarks.

"What happens if Finn leaves again? I mean, let's face it – this song is actually about him," Rachel whispered nervously.

Noah shrugged, "tough shit. He needs to take whatever you throw at him."

It was explanations like that which made it so easy for Rachel to love Noah. He was very understanding of her problems. He never belittled her for them and he always said the right things.

She watched as Noah put his hands on her shoulders. He stared at her for a moment before speaking. His voice was quiet and she knew it was only meant for her to hear what he had to say.

"Just sing, Rachel. Sing out everything you've been feeling. It's your turn to shine again. Let everyone see the new and improved Rachel Berry –"

Rachel interrupted him. "Yeah the Rachel Berry singing a song about her ex boyfriend."

He smirked, "Singing about how her ex-boyfriend was a jerkoff and how she's better off. What did Mercedes call you again? A pearl?" Rachel nodded. "Then be a damn pearl, Rachel. Show him what he lost."

Rachel was at a loss for words.

Rachel heard Brad start to play the piano. She swallowed a big breath of air and exhaled slowly. She turned to look at Noah and he nodded at her.

_Here goes nothing…_She thought bravely before belting out the first verse.

"_All this time I was wasting,  
Hoping you would come around  
I've been giving out chances every time  
And all you do is let me down  
And it's taking me this long  
Baby but I figured you out  
And you're thinking we'll be fine again,  
But not this time around"_

She noted how eerily quiet the classroom had become. She didn't stop singing, though. In fact, Rachel was surprised to find herself getting lost in the music. The lyrics explained all the pain she had felt with the loss of Finn. All the pain he put her through all because of a stupid mistake she made.

Noah picked up the chorus and Rachel faced him so it seemed that they were singing to each other.

"_You don't have to call anymore  
I won't pick up the phone  
This is the last straw  
Don't wanna hurt anymore  
And you can tell me that you're sorry  
But I don't believe you baby  
Like I did - before  
You're not sorry, no no oh"_

He strummed the guitar and Rachel swayed along with the music. She opened her eyes, not realizing they had been closed, and looked at Finn. A brave a side of her had come out and she wanted to let him know the pain he made her feel.

"_Looking so innocent,  
I might believe you if I didn't know  
Could've loved you all my life  
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold  
And you got your share of secrets  
And I'm tired of being last to know  
And now you're asking me to listen  
Cause it's worked each time before"_

Rachel broke her gaze away from Finn to look back at Noah. They joined together to sing the chorus.

All the fear and nervousness that Rachel had felt only a couple minutes ago had gone away. She moved about the floor like she used to before December. She went up to Mike and pulled him up to the floor to dance with him. She started to feel like the old Rachel, the one who didn't care about what others thought.

"_You had me crawling for you honey  
And it never would've gone away, no  
You used to shine so bright  
But I watched all of it fade"_

Puck took over the chorus and Rachel kept dancing with Mike. Tina and Mercedes soon joined and the five of them finished the last lyric in sync.

"_You're not sorry, no no oh"_

The song ended and Rachel found herself laughing and smiling. She felt so happy in that moment. She went over to Noah and wrapped her arms around him. She knew he had no idea what epiphany she had just had but she still wanted to thank him.

She looked at their little audience and was surprised when most of them were applauding them. Mr. Schue came over and stepped between her and Noah and wrapped his arms around the both of them.

"That was just…wow!" He laughed.

Rachel smiled awkwardly before entangling herself from him. She hadn't ever really forgiven Mr. Schue for letting everyone gang up on her during the solo. He was the teacher and he was supposed to protect her.

She sighed and walked over to where Mercedes and Tina were chatting.

"Hold up."

Rachel sighed. _Great, here we go._

Santana stepped up from where she was sitting and walked over to Rachel. Rachel tried to stand up straighter but it didn't matter – Santana was towering over her.

"So just because you sing some stupid song we're supposed to love you now? Or worse, feel _bad_ for you?" Santana laughed darkly. "Are we all forgetting that she was the one who cheated on Finn?"

"Quit it, Santana," Finn muttered.

Rachel looked up to see him sitting down. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he was looking at the floor.

"Seriously. I don't get what you have against Rachel but you either need to get over it or keep quiet," Mercedes spoke up as she walked to stand next to Rachel.

Rachel looked back at Santana who was fuming. She rolled her eyes at Rachel and Mercedes and left the room without another word.

Mr. Schue was the first to speak. "Okay, guys. Let's take a 5 minute break."

Rachel grabbed the sheet music from Brad and went over to her seat.

"Rachel, can I talk to you?" Finn asked.

"What, Finn?" She sighed tiredly.

He looked around. "Can we talk outside?"

She looked at him for a moment. She knew all she had to do was call Noah or Mercedes over and he'd leave but she didn't. Instead, she followed him into the hallway and winced when she heard the door slam shut.

The both of them stood there awkwardly.

_Well I'm not speaking first. He brought me out here_, Rachel thought. She tapped her foot impatiently and looked up at Finn.

He groaned, "God, Rach. I'm so sorry for everything that's happened. But why the hell did you have to sing with Puck? Of all people - why _him_?"

"Excuse me?" She blanched. "I can sing with whoever I want to, Finn. You are not the boss of me. Besides, Noah asked to sing with me."

"Yeah like he asked you to make out with him when you and I were still together?" Finn shouted.

Rachel took a step forward. "Noah and I are not together, if that is what you're insinuating. Even if we were, it'd still be none of your business."

"I'm not insinuating, or whatever, anything! I just don't get why you always have to hurt me."

"How am I hurting you?"

"Because you know I hate seeing you and him together!"

"Since when?"

"Since you two screwed me over in the worst way possible. Damnit, he was my _best friend_ and you were my _girlfriend_. Yet you chose him over me."

"How did I choose him? Finn, I have apologized so many times for what I did!"

"It's not enough, Rachel. It won't ever be enough. You chose to hurt me by kissing him. You chose to break my heart."

"The way you broke my heart by sleeping with Santana?"

"We weren't even together!"

"But you told me you wanted us to be together. You told me you'd fight for me. Even when I was with Jesse, you told me you wanted me to be with you. Yet, you went and slept with her. You know she hates me and you know how much pain she's put me through. But you still slept with her!"

"It didn't even mean anything."

"Just like kissing Noah didn't mean anything to me!" Rachel finally cried out. Tears poured down her face, her breathing was erratic, and she knew she looked like a mess but she just didn't care.

"God Finn," she whispered sadly. "I never meant to hurt you, I swear. But I was just so hurt that you slept with her of all people. I wanted you to feel the pain I felt. And then Noah was there and I just… God, I don't even know what went through my head. We just ended up in my bedroom and he was being nice to me and saying all these sweet things to make me feel better and I just kissed him." She shook her head trying to wipe away the memories.

Finn stared at her for a moment. She saw him take a step towards her but she stepped away.

"I know you're hurt, Finn. I won't ever blame you for feeling that way. But I can't do it anymore. I can't let you make me feel this way. I've apologized to no avail and you obviously won't be able to forgive me. I'm moving on, okay?"

"Rachel…"

She shook her head. "No. I can't do this anymore. I can't be in this, this _pain_ anymore. I'm moving on. I'm finally starting to heal and I can't let you take that away from me."

She opened the door to the choir room and walked in. Everyone was staring at her and she knew she must have looked horrible. She grabbed her stuff and left the room – ignoring her friends' attempts to ask her what happened.

She left the school and sat on the curb. She grabbed her phone and started to dial her dads' number but stopped. She didn't want to deal with either of her dads at the moment. She knew they'd blow her emotional state out of proportion and she didn't feel like having an emergency session with her therapist.

Instead, she sat on the curb by herself. Wishing that for once, she could go a day without crying over Finn Hudson.

* * *

**A/N:** The support for this story is amazing. I love all of you for reading, reviewing, favoriting, & alerting this story. As always, a teaser will be sent out to all who review. Make sure your PM is enabled.

Lots and lots of tears from Rachel. Don't worry, she won't have a huge meltdown like this ever again.

Next chapter - more fluffy moments with Kurt & Rachel. I know you all love those two together. :-)

Until then, I leave you with heart broken!Rachel.

*Songs used in this chapter: 'Pearl' by Katy Perry and 'You're Not Sorry' by Taylor Swift.


	8. Understanding

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.

A huge thanks to my beta, sandra-wfg. Without you, the story would be filled with flaws. :-)

_Author's note at the bottom._

_

* * *

_

Chapter Eight

Rachel walked into the coffee shop nervously. She was meeting up with Kurt, Mercedes, and Blaine to spend the day with them. To say she was nervous would be the understatement of the year. Rachel hadn't ever hung out in a big group – save the Gleeks for competitions – before. Granted, she had hung out with Kurt a couple times but she knew it wouldn't be the same.

"Over here, Miss Rachel!" She grinned when she heard Kurt's voice.

She greeted him with a hug and smiled at Blaine as she slid into the booth next to Mercedes.

"How are you?" Mercedes asked.

"I'm good," she replied awkwardly.

Mercedes gave her a pointed look while Kurt rolled her eyes. Rachel sighed at their responses. She knew they were wondering what happened between her and Finn.

"Am I missing something?" Blaine asked.

Rachel opened her mouth to answer but Kurt spoke up.

"I forgot to tell you. Yesterday was the big duet. Rachel performed a duet with Puck – the guy she kissed while going out with Finn – and Finn freaked out but our mini Barbra Streisand put him into place," Kurt laughed and looked at Rachel, "by the way, last night was not a fun, Brady Bunch episode at my house."

Rachel gasped, "what happened?"

Kurt shrugged. "It started at dinner. Finn was acting extremely rudely to everyone. He kept snapping at us for passing the plates not quickly enough or not moving out of the way. Finally, my dad got fed up and started yelling at him about respect. Carole, not wanting a big fight to ensue, tried to calm Finn down but Finn just yelled at all of us and got up to leave. Carole followed him and told him that he wasn't allowed to just run away from his problems anymore and that he needed to explain to her what was going on -"

"Carole still doesn't know?" Rachel interrupted him. How could she not know? She remembered a conversation she and Finn had had over the summer about their parents. Finn told her that his mom knew everything about him because she was the one person he truly trusted after his father had died.

He shook his head sadly. "No. I think he was too embarrassed to, really."

Rachel bit her lip and tried to will away the voice inside of her that felt sympathy for Finn.

"Anyways," Kurt spoke quickly, "they got into this huge argument and finally Finn just broke down. He started punching the wall and when Carole grabbed him, he just lost it. He was crying and kept apologizing. That's when my dad and I left knowing that they needed time by themselves."

It was silent as everyone absorbed what Kurt had said.

"Wow," Rachel replied lamely.

Finally Blaine changed the topic to something less heavy. They talked about songs they were thinking of performing for Regionals. Rachel knew Kurt and Blaine posed no threat so she and Mercedes were quick to tell them what songs they wanted to perform.

While the conversation went on, Rachel couldn't help but think of what Kurt had just told her. Rachel felt an urge to go comfort Finn but she knew she couldn't. She had made it clear to herself and Finn that she was going to move on and she couldn't go and comfort him. But the fact that Finn had actually _cried_ bothered Rachel more than she wanted it to. He always kept his emotions hidden – keeping up a façade that he was strong and nothing could bring him down. She wondered if she had damaged him almost as much as he had damaged her.

After the coffee, the group went to the local mall. Rachel and Blaine watched as Mercedes and Kurt taught them about the latest fashion trends such as never wearing leggings as pants or pants are supposed to be tucked into boots and not covering them.

Once everyone had their fair share of shopping bags, they headed back to Kurt's house. Rachel was surprised at how comfortable she felt hanging out with the three of them. She found herself not only laughing along with the jokes but cracking a few. It was so easy hanging out like this. There was no drama or tension between the four of them. Rachel wished she could have built these friendships earlier on. Maybe, if she had then she wouldn't have wanted to move so badly.

Moving. Rachel groaned inwardly at the fact that she still had yet to tell anyone. Looking over at Kurt, she knew he'd be the first one she told. Her eyes landed on Mercedes – how would she tell her? How would she tell Noah? Would they be mad at her? She knew they wouldn't but a part of her - the pessimistic, angry side - knew that it could happen.

Trying not think about that, she focused on letting herself relax and have a good time.

"Okay well I have to get going now. My dad decided to make us all go to this stupid banquet for his job," Mercedes said after they finished watching the movie, Pretty Woman.

Blaine stood up and yawned. "Yeah, I have to get back to home as well. Rachel, you need a ride?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, I'm fine. I'll just call my dad. Thanks for the offer, though."

After exchanging farewells, Rachel stood with Kurt. He looked over at her.

"I take it that you and I need to have a heart to heart?"

"You know me too well, Hummel."

They went back to Kurt's room and sat on his bed. Rachel glanced over at the night stand next to his bed and saw a picture from the wedding. In it, Kurt was standing next to Finn while Burt and Carole stood behind them. They were grinning and it was not one of those fake smiles that people see on movie posters or travel pamphlets. Rachel could see the happiness that vibrated from all of them and knew it was one of the happiest days for them. She bit her lip. That day had been one of Rachel's as well.

"So what did you need to talk to me about?" Kurt asked gently.

She took a deep breath. "I don't know why I'm so scared to tell you but you have to promise that you won't…freak out, okay?"

"I can't promise that when you're starting freak me out already," he replied nervously.

"I just…" she took a deep breath, "I'm moving. I'm leaving Lima after the school year."

Kurt stared at her. "But where are you going to go?"

She shrugged. "I don't know yet. My dads want to move to New York City. They think it'll be a good chance for me to break out into the Broadway scene."

He sighed. Rachel played with the hem of her skirt as she waited for Kurt to speak.

"I just don't get it. I mean, if you had told me the week after you and Finn had split that you were moving, then I would have told you to go for it. You were tormented relentlessly and you had every right to leave. But now, I thought it had stopped. You're finally making friends, Rach. Do you really want to move?" He finally asked. She could hear the confusion in his voice.

"I have thought about it," she replied honestly, "But it just…it isn't enough, you know? The bullying has definitely decreased since I've gained friends, it's still there. I can't tell you how many times Santana has pushed me into the locker or Karofsky's 'bumped' into me causing me to drop everything. I just want a new break. I want to move somewhere where no one knows about my past. I want people to like me instead of hate me because I'm the cliché, annoying unpopular girl. I want to be liked."

Kurt grabbed both of her hands. She stared at him helplessly.

"You are liked, Rachel. I know people have been horrible to you in the past but I can guarantee you that the Gleeks have your back now. You need to tell someone about this bullying, though. You can't let Karofsky chase you away like he chased me away."

She interrupted him. "Yeah but don't you love Dalton? I want to _love_ school, Kurt. I want to enjoy it and not dread about what kind of things the bullies have thought to do to me."

He nodded. "I do like Dalton but I miss McKinley. I miss seeing everybody every day. I miss Glee club and how it made me feel normal and okay to be gay. I miss that."

"Then why don't you come back?" Rachel argued. She didn't get why Kurt was trying to make her stay.

"It's a long story, Rachel."

"I've told you everything, Kurt. I can handle whatever it is you want to tell me."

Kurt closed his eyes. When he opened them, Rachel's mouth dropped as she saw the tears pooling up in his eyes. He dropped her hands and let his head fall into his hands.

"Kurt…oh my god, are you okay?" She asked as she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry for interrogating you like that. You don't have to tell me. I'm so sorry."

She felt him shaking his head.

"It's fine, Rachel. I just…I want to tell you, I really do. But I can't. It's embarrassing." He mumbled weakly.

She nodded. "It's fine, Kurt. Just know that I'll always be here for you."

He didn't reply but Rachel didn't mind. She knew he understood. They understood each other in ways that others couldn't. Rachel guessed that it came from being bullied relentlessly solely for the fact that they didn't fit the standards that high school students created. They weren't normal to anyone. They didn't fit in with what cool kids did. And for that, they were punished.

Rachel closed her eyes and leaned her head on Kurt's. Maybe her new school would accept her. Maybe she would finally know what it was like to be normal.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you all for the support on this story. I never thought I'd break even 50 reviews and now I'm over 100. You all are amazing. *hugs* Reviewers get a teaser for the next chapter. Make sure your PM is enabled.

If you were in Rachel's shoes, would you want to move?

Until then, I leave you with Rachel who's going crazy trying to figure out who hurt Kurt.


	9. Counselor & Teacher

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to FOX and Ryan Murphy.

A huge thanks to my wonderful beta, sandra-wfg, for fixing this chapter & dealing with my complaints about writer's block. :-)

_Author's Note: I am so incredibly sorry for this chapter coming out late. I went on a mini vacation and expected to come home and write this chapter but then writer's block came and it was just a huge mess. I also didn't send out teasers for this chapter. I thought you guys would rather get the full thing instead of a little portion. Anyways, enjoy the chapter! _

* * *

Chapter Nine

After an emotional night, Rachel found herself too exhausted to get up. She replayed the conversation she and Kurt had had over and over again. Obviously Karofsky had done something horrible to him – but _what_ had he done?

Throughout school, the question ate away at her. Every time she saw Karofsky, she would send a glare his way which somehow got him to back off. She wanted to go up to him and demand to know what happened but she knew that not only would he not say anything, but that when Kurt found out, he would never forgive her.

The last bell rang, signaling school was over, and Rachel left her classroom to go grab her things. As she made her way to her locker, she kept her head down as she pondered about Kurt and Karofsky.

"Hey, Rachel."

Rachel shot her head up only to be met with ice. The liquid mess dripped down her face and when she inhaled she smelt the cherry slushee that had plagued her from the beginning of high school.

When she opened her eyes, Santana stood in front of her with a sneer on her perfectly round, tan face. She tightened her eyes when she caught Rachel staring at her.

"Woops, did I do that?" She laughed cruelly.

"What the _hell_?" Rachel snapped. "Why would you do that?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Berry. As if you don't know why I would 'do that' to you."

"No, I really don't, actually. In fact, I don't understand why you make it your mission to torment me. What did I do to you? Besides comment on your lack of control while singing any type of song you perform during Glee," she replied evenly. She was sick and tired of Santana and her little stunts like these. She didn't deserve this.

"Well let's see, you're an annoying little twit for starters. You act as if you're some hot thing but in reality, you're just a dwarf who wears clothes that a blind grandmother would pick from the homeless shelter. And third, you just _deserve_ to be slusheed."

Rachel opened her mouth to say something but quickly shut it. She knew she shouldn't believe what Santana was saying but it still hurt to hear it.

"So what're you telling me," Rachel finally murmured quietly, "is that the way I dress and my tendency to be overbearing that make me the perfect target to be bullied?"

"Ugh and there you go playing the damn victim card. You can add that to the list of why I don't like you," Santana replied disgusted.

"I'm not playing the victim card! _You_ slusheed _me_, Santana. You bully me every chance that you get for the most ridiculous and absurd reasons. And then when I try to defend myself, you just go and act like I'm making it all up! God, you are such a _bitch_." The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could think.

Rachel heard someone gasp and she realized that a small crowd had formed. She didn't bother to look at anyone but she saw Brittany try and grab Santana away from her. Santana shrugged her off and walked till she was breathing down Rachel's face.

"Call me a bitch again and see what happens," she spoke calmly.

Before Rachel could reply, she felt someone tug her away. She turned to see Ms. Pillsbury looking like a deer in headlights. She moved so that she was in front of Rachel and began speaking.

"Santana, go to the office right now. I saw everything that happened and what you did to Rachel was uncalled for and inappropriate. Principal Figgins will be dealing with your punishment."

Rachel heard Santana's sigh followed by footsteps in the other direction. Rachel closed her eyes and tried to will the tears away.

"Rachel, are you okay?" Ms. Pillsbury asked hesitantly.

She nodded and shrugged – her first response to any question regarding her emotions.

"It's fine. This happens all the time so I guess you could say I'm used to it," Rachel laughed nervously. "Erm, thanks for defending me, though."

Ms. Pillsbury nodded. "Could you come to my office with me? I feel that we should talk about what just happened."

Rachel cringed. She didn't want to have a heart to heart with Ms. Pillsbury. She was a very nice lady and while her love triangle with Mr. Schuester was exhausting to watch, but she was tired of talking about everything that had happened to her. It wasn't like anyone gave her good advice, anyways. It was just the same sympathy looks and hugs.

But Rachel followed her anyways. Ms. Pillsbury started to grab some pamphlets on bullying but once she caught Rachel's glare, she silently put them away.

"So, would you like to tell me how long Santana has been treating you like this?" She asked after a few moments.

Rachel exhaled slowly. "Since elementary school, I suppose. It has progressed during high school, of course."

Ms. Pillsbury nodded. "Has anyone ever defended you against her? Does she do it during class or just during the breaks?"

"No, I guess not. Mercedes did once during Glee but Santana didn't even really do anything. Everyone else just turns a blind eye. It hurts," Rachel admitted quietly.

"Will – I mean, Mr. Schue has never defended you against her?"

"No."

Rachel looked down to see Ms. Pillsbury's hands shaking. She wondered briefly if she had said something wrong. She was just being honest. _Ha, but isn't that the thing that always gets me into trouble?_ She thought sadly.

"Excuse me for a moment." Ms. Pillsbury left the room.

Rachel quickly followed her and felt a sense of dread wash over her as she made the familiar turn to where the choir room was.

She saw everyone look up when the two women entered the room. She watched as Ms. Pillsbury walked up to Mr. Schuester and started yelling at him.

"You are a sick man, Will. How dare you treat her like that! You know how it feels to be mocked for absolutely no reason yet you won't defend her? You are a terrible teacher! I can't believe for a second that I once believed you were one the greatest teachers to walk McKinley High."

Mr. Schue, obviously taken aback, stared at Ms. Pillsbury. "Em, what are you talking about?"

"Rachel!" Ms. Pillsbury threw her arms up. "You let her get bullied every single day and you do nothing about it. How could you do that? Do you want her to feel that pain? Because trust me, she feels it."

"I... I have no idea what you're talking about. Can we go somewhere private and discuss this?" He asked uncomfortably.

Rachel glanced towards the others and saw Noah and Mercedes staring at her.

"What happened?" Mercedes mouthed to her.

"I have no idea," she mouthed back with a shrug.

"No, we're going to talk about this now. I _demand_ to know how you could let bullying get this far. Why didn't you stop Santana every time she called Rachel that? Why would you do that?"

"I... just, I don't know! I didn't really pay attention. I had no idea it was that bad." He mumbled lamely.

Rachel bit her lip. She knew he knew how bad it was. He watched Santana continually treat her like she was a piece of trash. How could he lie like this?

Ms. Pillsbury shook her head. "I can't believe you, Will. I really can't. What you did was unforgivable and you don't deserve to teach. Especially the Glee club. How can you go around and tell these kids they can be whatever they aspire to be, yet let them get knocked down and do _nothing_ about it? What sane person lets that happen?"

With that, Ms. Pillsbury stormed out the classroom.

Rachel looked at Mr. Schue but he was staring past her – towards the door where Ms. Pillsbury had left. He glanced down at the floor before looking at Rachel.

"I apologize, Rachel. I really do." And with that, he was out the door as well.

She turned to the Gleeks and waited for their rude comments about how she just ruined everything. She wondered how bad the hate would be this time. Would she lose her friendships with Noah and Mercedes? Just the thought of that made her want to cry again.

"Come on, Rach. Let's go to the girls' room. You're a mess, hun." Mercedes spoke soothingly.

Rachel looked at her. "You don't hate me?"

Mercedes tilted her head. "Why would I hate you? Mr. Schue deserved to be confronted. I wish you were the one who did it but hey, Ms. Pillsbury is the second best thing I guess."

Rachel couldn't help but laugh loudly. She was so happy that she wasn't on Mercedes – and when she saw the others staring at her sympathetically – or the rest of the group's bad side again.

She sighed happily, linked her arm with Mercedes and followed her into the bathroom to get cleaned up.

* * *

**A/N:** Once again - thanks to everyone who has reviewed/alerted/favorited this story. The support is amazing and you all are fabulous. Teasers **will** be sent out for the next chapter, I promise. Make sure your PM is enabled. :-)

If you're still reading this story, thank you for dealing with the little break between chapters. I feel bad for not updating the past couple weeks but it won't happen again. The next chapter should be updated this weekend of the beginning of next week.

Until then, I leave you with happy!Rachel.

PS: I know there was a lack of Finn in this chapter. He'll be in the next chapter a lot - you can take this as either a good or bad sign. ;-)


	10. Friendship

**Disclaimer:** All characters belong to FOX and Ryan Murphy.

A huge thanks to my wonderful beta, sandra-wfg. Seriously, if she didn't work her magic on this chapter then this chapter would have been a mess.

_Authors note at the bottom._

* * *

Chapter Ten

_Three months later…_

Rachel found herself sitting in Mr. Schue's cramped office. She looked around and noticed all the items that were music related. It was funny how they had the same taste yet they never got along.

"So, why am I here again?" She asked. That morning, as she grabbed her books from her locker, Mr. Schue told her that he'd like to meet with her during lunch in his office.

Mr. Schue took a deep breath before speaking. "Remember our last meeting when I promised you I would try and make it up to you for being such a terrible teacher?"

"Oh," Rachel replied quietly. "Yes, I remember that."

After the showdown between Mr. Schue and Ms. Pillsbury, a lot of events happened regarding Glee and the bullying. Santana had been suspended for a week due to her harassment directed at Rachel. Coach Beiste had to become co-director with Mr. Schue for the remainder of the school year in order for the Glee club to continue. Lastly, Mr. Schue had to announce a public apology to the group for not defending Rachel or any other students against bullying that they've ensued since he had become a teacher.

Besides school, other events happened in Rachel's social life. Her friendship with Mercedes strengthened considerably and when she wasn't hanging out with Noah or Kurt, she spent her days with Mercedes where they had mock diva-off's and sleepovers consisting of girl talk and spying on their competitions.

While her friendships with Noah, Kurt, and Mercedes were nearly perfect, Rachel also enjoyed hanging out with Brittany and Mike who would help her with the dancing for each number Glee performed. When she needed a good laugh, she'd hang out with Tina and Artie. When she needed some girl power, she would hang out with Lauren where Rachel helped Lauren with singing and Lauren helped Rachel with learning how to wrestle. She also found a friendship in Sam which came from Finn and Quinn getting back together.

_Finn and Quinn. Quinn and Finn. Fuinn._ Ugh, just thinking the names together made bile rise in Rachel's throat. After avoiding Finn ever since their last confrontation, Rachel realized that since they were co-captains, they had to find a way to be in each other's presence. Finn profusely told Rachel that he had no problem being with her and that he was willing to go to her house or she could come to his if they needed to have meetings together.

Rachel, on the other hand, shot his ideas down and said that they'd meet once a week during Glee practice – so if he tried anything, Rachel had a means to escape to Noah or Mercedes (not that she told him this, of course) – and it'd only be for about twenty minutes.

The plan worked for a while before Finn started flirting with Rachel. She didn't realize it until the two of them sat in the theater one Friday while everyone else was practicing in the choir room. Rachel sat in front of Finn and he had leaned towards her, asking her if it was alright. She was vaguely aware that this situation happened to them more than a year ago when he was dating Quinn. Her eyes closed unconsciously and all of a sudden his lips were on hers.

She hated to admit but all Rachel could feel in that moment was how _right_ was for them to be like that – to sit in a dark room where the only two people they were focused on were each other.

But after that feeling of familiarity left, other emotions turned in. The betrayal, the lies, the hypocrisy. Everything Finn had made Rachel feel these past two months rushed within her and she gasped for breath and pushed Finn away. She grabbed her things and left the theater quickly, telling Finn to never speak to her again.

Which was why on Valentine's Day he kissed Quinn at the kissing booth. Also, in the theater. Also, in the choir room. Oh, and the library as well. Anywhere where Sam couldn't find them until Santana spilled the beans and gave Finn and Quinn mono. It was probably the only time Rachel wanted to actually thank Santana for being such a bitch.

Since then, she hadn't spoken another word to Finn. Their co-captain meetings were cancelled and she went to lengths to avoid him in the halls, during lunch, and even the classes they shared together. He tried talking to her but after a while, he finally stopped.

"Rachel? Have you listened to anything I've said?"

Rachel shot her head up to see Mr. Schue's confused face. Crap – he had been talking this whole time and she had gotten lost in her own thoughts.

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind. What did you say again?" She asked quietly.

He awkwardly laughed once before speaking again. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm giving you and Puck the duet for Regional's."

"What?"

Okay, so she didn't really believe that Mr. Schue was going to make it up to her. If anything, she thought he'd probably let her take a couple of the practice solos before Regional's.

"I saw how you guys performed last time and I was really impressed with you two. I'm surprised you two don't share duets more often," Mr. Schue explained hurriedly.

Rachel nodded. She knew her and Noah sounded great together – they always had.

"That sounds great, Mr. Schue. What song did you have in mind for us?" She replied as she tried to remember duets she had always thought were competition-worthy.

"Well, I was thinking that you two could think of something. For the next couple weeks, I'm going to do a couple of different themes for songs. You two can perform together for them and then everyone can vote for their favorite duet and that's the one you two will perform."

She smiled. "That sounds good. Um, thanks."

He smiled back.

With that, Rachel left the office feeling better than she had in a while. She looked up to see Mercedes standing by their math class.

"Hey girl, you look happy," Mercedes laughed.

Rachel grinned. "I just received some good news, that's all."

"Oh really? Care to share?" Mercedes asked suspiciously.

"You'll just have to find out in Glee," Rachel teased.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and the two of them went to class.

The rest of the morning went by in a blur and soon lunch time was there. Rachel sat at the table by herself awaiting everyone else. She grabbed her Glee binder and started flipping through the duet section.

"What's up singing buddy?"

Rachel laughed and tilted her head to see Noah standing behind her. He grabbed the seat closest to her and sat down.

"Nothing much, singing buddy. Except, I am looking for some duets we should perform. I'm thinking either hit Broadway tunes or Top 40. How about you?" She asked as she watched him switch sandwiches with her.

He shrugged. "I really could not give a damn. You know we're going to win Regional's with the two of us singing."

"You two are performing the duet at Regionals?"

She looked up again to see Tina and Mike sit down. Mercedes and Sam followed suit.

Rachel nodded. "You two weren't supposed to know but _Noah_," she glared at him, "decided to talk especially loud this lunch. So try and act surprised when Mr. Schue tells you all."

Sam laughed, "I'm sure he already knows that you told us. I don't think he trusts any of us to keep secrets."

"True," Mercedes laughed. "But wait, I better get that solo. No offense, Rachel. I love you and all but I have been _dying_ for a solo since Glee started."

Rachel smiled at her friend. "I know. Which was why I came up with a foolproof plan for you to get it."

It was true. While Rachel did want that solo badly, she knew she had to stop acting like such a diva when it came to Glee. She was happy to get the duet and she knew Mercedes was just as good as her when it came to singing – even better when it came to certain genres.

"Well what's your plan then?" Mercedes asked as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"So Mr. Schue was telling me that everyone is going to vote for the song that they want Noah and I to perform at Regionals, right? I was thinking that the same should go for whoever gets the solo. All Mercedes has to do is kill at her next couple solos and then all of us have to vote for her to get it."

The group was silent as they absorbed what Rachel had just said. She smiled triumphantly when she saw them start to nod in agreement. She knew they'd like her plan – it was, as she said, foolproof.

"That's brilliant," Tina murmured finally.

"Thank you," Rachel replied happily.

The conversation continued as everyone started naming song choices that they wanted the three to perform.

"Does Finn know that we're doing the duet together? I mean, he is the co-captain whether we like it or not," Noah told Rachel as they walked to class.

Rachel shrugged, "I have no idea. I would think that Mr. Schue would tell him beforehand. That way, Finn could react in whatever way he pleased."

Noah chuckled, "You think he had that bad of a reaction?"

"He better not. He's got Quinn now. Why should he be all bitter about not singing a duet with Rachel?" Sam interrupted angrily.

She sighed and sent a sympathetic smile his way. She felt bad about the whole situation. She saw that Sam really cared for Quinn and the fact that Quinn would just cheat on him like that damaged Sam.

_Why am I surprised Quinn would cheat again? She did have sex with Noah and lie about the baby's father,_ Rachel thought sadly.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Mr. Schue said it was his way of repaying me for all the things he didn't do and I'm glad I'm singing with Noah," Rachel finally said.

When Glee practice finally came, Rachel entered the choir room to find Finn already sitting there on his phone. He was the only one there and she looked to see Mr. Schue talking to Ms. Holliday in his office. She took a deep breath and sat in her usual seat – front row in the middle between Noah and Mercedes.

"Hi."

She tried not to cringe when she heard his quiet voice.

"Mr. Schue, uh, he told me about the…you know…duet thing he planned," Finn kept speaking. "It's no big deal, really. I'm, um, glad you two are singing together. You guys sound good together."

Rachel looked up at him. He was sitting in the back row where she used to sit.

"Thank you," she whispered.

He smiled at her and went back to texting. Rachel also turned back in her seat and smiled to herself. At least he wasn't mad at her and wasn't going to make a scene like he did last time her and Noah performed together.

The rest of the students clambered into the room and sat down. Mr. Schue walked to the center of the room and faced the students.

"Since I know all of you have already heard the news about the duets, why don't we all just get started on the theme for this week?"

With that, Rachel leaned back in her chair and listened to Mr. Schue explain that they'd be performing anthems for the next couple weeks.

* * *

**A/N: **As usual, a huge thanks to all those who reviewed/alerted/favorited this story. It means so much to mean. Teasers will be sent for the next chapter. Make sure your PM is enabled. If it isn't, then I have no other way to contact you with the teaser. :-)

5 chapters + an epilogue left! Do most of you still dislike Finn and think he shouldn't be with Rachel? Or do you think he'll be able to redeem himself?

Until then, I leave you with determined!Rachel.


	11. Indecisive

**Disclaimer: **I don't own them - RIB does. I just like pretending I have control over the storylines.

A huge thanks to my wonderful beta, sandra-wfg, for beta'ing this. I'm so glad you're still apart of this. Thank you! :-)

And I know I told everyone I would post this on Monday by the earliest but I was so giddy to have it finished/beta'd that I decided to post it early.

**Recap:** Rachel has decided to leave McKinley after being bullied to the point where she's on medication. Her and Finn aren't on good speaking terms; after he broke up with Santana he started dating Quinn again which made Rachel realize what a hypocrite and liar he truly was. The only person who knows she plans on leaving is Kurt - the only person who didn't treat her horribly after her and Finn ended things. The glee club has eased up on Rachel and several of them apologized to her/have tried to make things better (all of them really except Quinn and Santana who Rachel always has a beef with). Her close circle of friends include Kurt, Puck (whom she refers to as Noah), Mercedes, and Blaine. Finn has apologized and they could've been friends had it not been for Finn trying to get back with Rachel while still dating Quinn. Rachel and Puck are duet partners for Regional's but there are no romantic feelings between them. Coach Beiste is co-director of the Glee club ever since Mr. Schue got into trouble for not defending Rachel or any other students from being bullied.

_and now to chapter 11..._

* * *

Chapter 11: Indecisive

"Noah, you can't be serious," Rachel groaned for the umpteenth time.

It was two weeks before Regional's and they still could not pick a song that they wanted to perform as a duet. While Rachel had been in good spirits as of late, she had no desire to perform a love song. Yet, she didn't want to sing a break up song either.

"I just don't understand why we have to sing about love," she sighed sitting down on the edge of the stage.

Noah joined her and they sat for a moment in silence.

"Does it have to do with Finn?" He asked cautiously.

"No." _Yes._

Rachel sighed, "I just don't want to sing about love. It's not a big priority in my life and I would rather sing about another part of my life."

"I like that. We could do something about the depression you went through?" Noah asked.

She smiled, "that could be interesting... did you have a song in mind?"

He went to respond but they were interrupted by another person.

"Uh hey guys," Finn spoke quietly.

Rachel glanced at him quickly before staring down at her lap. She had done her best to ignore Finn. While his relationship with Quinn had ended just as quickly as it had begun, she still couldn't forgive him for getting back with Quinn while also trying to get with her. She could only view him as a complete hypocrite.

"I actually have to get going - mom wants to have another Schlinder's List viewing tonight and I'm cooking dinner," Noah said while he stood up and grabbed his things.

Rachel waved goodbye and was left with Finn. He sat down next to her and they sat there not speaking.

"I hate how weird things have become between us," Finn finally spoke.

She nodded in response.

"I miss you, Rachel. I know you don't want to hear it - but I do. I hate thinking about this past year how badly I treated you. I wish I could take it back. You never deserved it. You made a mistake and I acted like you murdered my family. I'm so damn sorry," he whispered sadly.

She closed her eyes - trying to blink away the tears that sprung to her face.

"It seems all you do is apologize to me now," she whispered with a sad laugh.

His lips twitched. "It's the only thing I can do that won't get me into more trouble with you."

"Well...I forgive you, Finn. I really do. What's done is done - there's no going back," she replied quietly.

Finn was quiet for a moment before he spoke again, "Do you ever think we could get back together? Maybe not right now but later on?"

"I...no, I don't think so," she admitted; shocked at the question.

"Why not? I believe in us, Rach. We can work through this - we can get back to where we were."

"No, we can't. You don't understand the things I went through when we were apart. The feeling of dread that washed through me everytime I came to school. I had so much anxiety that my therapist put me on medication - I have to take pills, Finn. You know how mortifying it is to see myself go from this over confident girl to absolutely no esteem? It sucked and I just can't do that again."

Her voice had risen unintentionally and she was standing above him. She could see the regret swim in his eyes but she couldn't do it anymore. He had messed her up - she couldn't be fixed by him.

"I'm sorry, Finn, but I have to go," she murmured after he didn't respond.

xx

Rachel was sitting in Kurt's room with him, Mercedes, Blaine, and Noah (who after telling his mother there was a Glee emergency, booked it to Kurt's house). She finished recapping what just happened and sat quietly. She watched as they absorbed what she said.

"Basically, he wants to get back together with you sometime in the near future?" Mercedes was the first to ask.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know. I guess? I forgive him for what he did -"

"When you really shouldn't," Noah muttered.

She sighed at him, "I do forgive him. We're young and we make stupid mistakes. But there is absolutely no way I can get back together with him. How can I trust him after this?"

"I have no idea. It would be tough to trust the person who belittled you in front of an entire school," Blaine agreed. "But, do you think you could at least be friends with him?"

"I don't know... probably not. He hurt me really badly," she replied.

"Don't sound guilty, Rachel. I wouldn't want to be friends with him if he treated me like that either. Hell, why are you even friends with us?" Mercedes piped in.

Rachel smiled, "Like I said, we're young and people make mistakes. Plus you guys weren't nearly as bad as the other kids."

The subject changed and Rachel looked over at Kurt who was playing with Blaine's hands. She smiled at the two of them but she realized Kurt had been silent ever since she had started the story about Finn. When he caught her eye, he smiled and shook his head.

She nodded and knew they would talk later.

After a couple more hours, everyone had left but Rachel and she curled up on Kurt's bed. He came back into the room.

"So," he spoke after laying down next to her.

"So?" She giggled at his tone.

He smiled, "Thank you for explaining why my step brother has been in such a foul mood since today."

She sighed, "Was it that bad?"

"Oh yeah. He kept muttering under his breath and every time something took too long or didn't work out for him, he shout that the world was 'out to get him' or something just as dramatic."

"I feel horrible," she admitted.

"For what? You can't just give in to him that easily."

"I know but...it sounds crazy but I don't want him to be in more pain, you know? I just want him to be happy."

"Seems to me he'd only be happy if he was with you, Rach."

Butterflies erupted in her stomach but she ignored them. "Well he can't feel that way. He needs to be happy _without_ me. We aren't good for each other, Kurt. I think breaking up twice and the second aftermath being as horrible as it was proves that theory."

Kurt sighed sadly, "I know. I was just looking forward to having you as a step sister-in-law."

She laughed, "I don't know if your family could handle two divas. Could you imagine family dinners?"

"Please, they'd adore us. We would be the best duo that hit Ohio."

They both laughed and the topic changed to future performances and other subjects. Yet Rachel still couldn't take her mind off of what Kurt had said. Did Finn really want to be with her again and this time for the long run?

* * *

_a/n:_ Oh, Rachel. ;-) I realized I've said that there are only going to be to be about 15 chapters but there's no way I can fit the rest of the story into 4 more chapters. I'm thinking it'll be 17-18 chapters plus an epilogue. If you'd like a teaser for the next chapter, just leave a review and I'll send you one. Please enable your PM's as that is the only way I can send you a teaser.

Wondering when Rachel will tell everyone she's moving? It'll be happening _very_ soon.

Until then, I leave you with confused!Rachel. :-)


	12. Farewell

**THIS IS NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER. THIS IS AN UPDATE ON WHAT WILL BE HAPPENING WITH THE REST OF ****HEALING WOUNDS AND NEW BEGINNINGS****.**

Hello, everyone! I can't believe it's been so long. I thought I would have finished this story well over two years ago but that is just not the case. I've lost inspiration with this story. I fell out of love with the show a long time ago and I just don't have the heart to finish this story. I love Finchel with all of my heart and I do hope at the end of the shows run, they are happily living together in New York with Broadway under Rachel's belt and Finn as a teacher at some private school.

This story meant a lot to me in the beginning. I wanted to write a story where these two lost their way only to rekindle. I tried to tell it in the realest way possible that I felt the two characters would react. I had a plan for this story and I wish that I was able to finish it. I can't though because without inspiration, I can't write.

I'm going to spoil the end of the story for you all. I know some of my favorite fics that had been left on haitus never to be finished. I wanted the ending of those stories and I never got them. If anyone wants to finish this story on their own, please do and just send me an email (begetfanfiction at gmail) with the link. You don't have to use my ending and if you want to re-write chapters, go for it.

**Spoilers for the end:**

Rachel decided to leave Lima. She went to an arts school in the city and visited her fathers a weekend a month (its not realistic to up and move jobs in this economy. It's probably not realistic to send your child to a school in nyc but shh this is my story) It was too expensive for her to stay in the summer so she moved back in with her parents. She stayed friends with her support group from Glee and when she hung out with Kurt, she saw Finn. They stayed friends for a while and theres a time jump when Rachel graduates from the high school in NYC. She moves in with Kurt at a tiny apartment and they attend Nyada together. She keeps in touch with Finn and they get back together after a one night stand that occurred when her and Kurt went back to Lima for Christmas. They started off shaky, with it being long distance but Finn joined the army and was miraculously stationed in upstate New York so he and Rachel were closer. The epilogue is their wedding reception and they live happily ever after.

Of course, it would have been better to read this as actual chapters and not a shortened, crappy summary but I couldn't leave you guys hanging.

Thank you all for taking part in this story. I am so thankful this story hit so many readers and that you guys enjoyed it when I actually wrote. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Much love,

beget


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